Do ED's hurt the ones we love more??

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freakyblonde88
freakyblonde88's picture
Do ED's hurt the ones we love more??

I dunno why, but I'm inclined to believe and I really do, that my Eating disorder is almost tougher on my loved ones, parents, bf etc. Then on me... Example:

My bf gets up to go to work earlier then I do, and I have put together a bunch of inspirational songs on youtube, that I was playing on his computer the evening before, cause it's hooked up to the sound system.. so when he opened up his internet browser that playlist popped up, and started playing, So he told me the next day that the song was dedicated to a 14yr old girl who died from anorexia. And my bf just started crying and was so scared that I would end up like that, and came into the bedroom and just held me close. I can't believe I'm making him go through that. I know my mom is scared of me dying as well if I don't recover... How can I do this to the ones I love. I feel like a terrible person... :-(
And my bf is not a crying type of person... The only time I've seem him cry is when we talk about how serious my ED actually is, and how much it freaks him out...
It's devastating...

Life is too short to not be happy

suitepee
suitepee's picture
I don't think we can measure

I don't think we can measure who it hurts the most...ourselves or others.. What is for sure though, is that both parties are suffering! !
But deep in my eating disorder, I don't even care that I'm hurting myself...others care, and I don't see anything but darkness. Only with a long stretch of recovery time have I been able to reflect and see just how much I hurt myself. Sometimes I try to imagine looking at myself through someones eyes who love me. Look at yourself through your boyfriends eyes...the eyes of someone who loves you. Sometimes that helps me reflect a bit also.
You're right, it is devastating- that's why it's so awesome that you're working towards being healthy again :-)

p.s I don't mean to be an arsehole, but your user picture really kinda bothers me. Its has a pro-ana feel you know?

pinto2589
pinto2589's picture
Not a doubt. when I went to

Not a doubt. when I went to treatment a month back my parents said their calling the cops if I dont go to the ER (Potassium was at Cardiac Arrest lows) cause they couldnt watch me kill myself, and I saw the pain in their eyes, yet all the while I was telling them im fine, and to stop freaking out. They saved my life.

klq0587
klq0587's picture
I know that throughout the

I know that throughout the course of my ED I have hurt a lot of people. I have been rude to friends who were just trying to help me live a normal life, I have ignored people and avoided social situations that were meaningful to others, and I have used my ED as an excuse for negative interactions and poor choices. But I think to try to figure out if you've hurt others more or less than yourself is a lost cause because each day will be different. You may have a day that you think is really good but others don't get to see you or you still ignore people. Or you may have a really shitty day but others do not see your struggle because you are able to be social and interact appropriately. It's all a matter of mindset for both you and those in your life.

--KLQ--

JoBlogs
JoBlogs's picture
how much do I hurt my kids &

how much do I hurt my kids & husband & family-so much that I can be honest for a while, then I start to hide it again, ed's excuse is their pain... I just don't care about me & when I'm deep in ed I don't care about them either :(

Jo
xxx

sunny1985
sunny1985's picture
This is so true. I hate

This is so true. I hate myself for hurting my family who are so supportive. My mum is so upset when I have a BAD day- I ruin hers. She is slowly watching me destroy myself and is powerless. I hate that I do this to her- but I cant seem to stop!!

I love her- why cant I stop?

Sunny

Getting better bite by bite x x

Zoe925
Zoe925's picture
This has to be the worst part

This has to be the worst part of the ED :( The look of pain on my dad's face when he knows I have just purged is unbearable!
And it also hurts to see them try so hard to understand something so difficult to understand unless you yourself are experiencing it. I feel so selfish every time I seek their help and support, which they are always willing to give, but I can tell they have a really hard time figuring out what to say and how to handle it.
It always results in my dad just holding me - its always the best compromise.

Zoe x

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