Hi, my name is Lea and I've had eating disorders for 20 years. I'm now almost 37. Over half of my life wasted. I'm tired, frustrated and sick of it. I was hospitalised last year for anorexia and have since had bulimia to cope with "appearing normal". I hate myself. I wNt to get rid of bulimia, but bloating, weight gain and puffiness all stop me within days of trying. I only have to eat fruit to be bloated. How do I keep going when I feel so bad to start with?