Didn't really know what to make this topic about. This is a post I put in my profile as to never forget it. But this is truly amazing in my own test of Faith that is leading to recovery. Here goes my recent and true story.
I was recovered for the first time in my life. My bowels were working again all my water weight, gone AND I was losing excess weight naturally! I was so happy! Until my father recently passed away. My father and I never had closure...or any type of normal relationship. He was often abusive in many ways. After a while, I accepted my father was also suffering as a former alcoholic and his mental illnesses-OCD Bipolar-Manic Depressive and a workaholic. His wife (my step mother) treated him horribly and often encouraged him to take more drugs than prescribed-I knew she was slowly killing him and my father became addicted to the many pills and sex that was involved in the chaotic marriage they had. Most of the time lost himself without an identity. This is when I relapsed-his death and the situation-no reconciliation and I couldn't save him from his own train wreck.
When my father passed away I was angry, sad, lonely, lost and felt completely abandonded. I wished and wished every day my father would return to me in a dream. It was my biggest wish. I relapsed in pain and sorrow. Refused to eat or used laxatives and binged and purged. I became underweight and ended up in the hospital three times within two months. I felt like since my father didn't visit me that he really didn't love me.
Then the dream finally came after a year of his death close to the anniversary of his death. I realized I needed to get better when my father finally visited me in a dream I had last night (September 30, 2012.) In my dream, I remember feeling extremely lost, scared and empty. Searching for my father who I felt abandonded me; I was distruaght I couldn't find him. Then, I reached a staircase. It was then I saw my father walking up the staircase almost to meet me half way. I recognized his face but he was much thinner, a huge vibrant smile on his face and younger looking. He greeted me in a suit and tie with his brief case I always remembered him the most dressed this way-fresh and ready to go to work as a CEO of many companies. We didn't communicate through talking (mouth mouth voice.) It was something much greater than telepathy, it was pure knowledge. It was almost like he knew how I felt and he could read my mind. We communicated through each other's feelings and thoughts right down to the deepest depth and feeling. As soon as I saw my father in my dream I started crying my eyes out and communicated, "Why did you leave me?" I immediately felt so unloved and I felt scared of him. My father scooped me up and gave me a hug that shot bolts of this love from him that I never felt in my entire life. Love that I had never experienced on an Earthly level. He also gave me flowers (roses which are my favorite.) I felt his unconditional love and I was immediately at peace. He communicated to me that he was was sorry. I knew is apology meant that he was sorry for the entire situation, for hurting me for abandonding me for not being there for me. Then he communicated to me with laughter, "Why are you crying?" I could read his thoughts and his laughter meant to tell me hey everything is OK and I am not dead. I am very much alive always watching over you and that everything will be OK. Before I woke up from this dream, my father communicated to me that he had to go into hiding into his own rehab to get better and to get away from his wife. My father meant that he was getting better in Heaven and that he was learning about his REAL self aside from his Earthly flaws and many mental disorders. This meant he chose to keep dying after the hospital tried to resucitate him many times when my father just kept flat lining. It was then I knew and everything came together and everything made sense.
At first I didn't want to accept the dream I thought that my mind was playing tricks on me. But then I realized that I have never had a dream that I communicated to someone through something greater than telepathy. It was pure knowledge. I also think it took my father a year to visit me because he had to do some healing, get his life review and adjust to Heaven. But this is also a test of my faith-to believe or not to believe. Recently I've been doubting and hating God for my pain and that my father died. But I just might have to reconsider that this all could be real. I just have to accept it.
As of now, I have started to eat. Because as my father said in my dream..."Everything will be OK." I just have to believe this and put forth the work. I am willing to do so. I am very greatful I saw my father because I never thought it would happen. It was purely, simply beautiful and amazing.
So to all my recovery friends and new people who join- Have Faith and believe...you can do it and there is so much more out there for all of us. Just believe. Life IS beautiful!