Ed just doesn't get it

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valiant
valiant's picture
Ed just doesn't get it

Something strange just happened. I was brewing myself a cup of tea, hoping it would feel comforting enough to keep me from binging (because after hours of reading posts on this site, Ed's had it with all the encouragement and wants to see some serious food now). And as I poured the hot water into the cup I got the thought, "have some chocolate". And I recognized that voice. Ed, is that you? "Come on, have some sweeties with your tea; chocolate and a hot beverage just go so well together! No one's home, except the boy and he's asleep. Have yourself some!". The reason Ed wants this is that I've told him he's really gonna have to go now. There are so many women (and men!) out there who are fighting (and winning!) this battle. I know I can do it. He's got to go.
So then he was basically telling me, "Okay, well, if you won't be allowed to binge any more, you might as well do it one last time. C'mon, from now on it'll be all restriction, you'll lose your freedom completely, no more sweets, fat, all that stuff... if you want to be what you call 'healthy' you won't ever be able to eat the stuff you love again - or at least not the amount you'd like. So c'mon, one more time. Go to the goodies' shelf, get the honey roasted peanuts, get the chocolate, get the...". And all of a sudden I got it.
This is just like telling your no-longer boyfriend he's got to go. And while you're just informing him that you no longer have any feelings for him (cuz he's a selfish, abusive bastard) and you are no longer attracted to him (because all his manipulating and messing around is appalling), he asks for one more round of sex! And tries to hug and kiss you and pull you into the bedroom. Would you give in? If you still thought he was hot, that would be one thing. But no, this guy is disgusting. A filthy, lying, egotistical slut. You'd push him away.

I have given in to Ed's "one-last-time's" soooo often, not even realizing what I was doing. After all, I never broke free from him. One more binge. One more this, one more that. It's all bullshit.

I'm enjoying my tea. F U Ed. I want to be happy. I want to feel myself, not just the food inside of me. Nor the emptiness inside of me. I wanna feel me. The true, real, prosperous and blessed me.
Aaaahhh, it would be so nice.

Liza
Liza's picture
:-) Thanks for the

:-) Thanks for the inspiration!

'I will not choose not to be'

Miss H
Miss H's picture
hee hee

i like this. yeah. f off stupid ed

Catherine Liberty
Catherine Liberty's picture
:D

This gave me a giant smile! I often like to tell my ed to go and f off! I'll hear a thought in my head and know it's not coming from me, sometimes I'll even laugh and think there is no way you are tricking me again!!

haha way to go :) x x

sarahanncarson
sarahanncarson's picture
We need the "I hate Ed" Club

This happened to me yesterday! He got the better of me in the morning but by the afternoon I told him to go to hell! Enough is enough! He was making me feel bad and I didn't want to feel bad. So I had a nice, normal evening eating the proper amounts of food I love. And Ed was not invited. I hate Ed so much!

Thanks for this post!

Coach Jen
Coach Jen's picture
Great post! I love telling ED

Great post! I love telling ED to F**K off!
This made me smile :-D

valiant
valiant's picture
Thanks guys

Thanks guys, for all the positive feedback! I am new to the site and new to recovery, and basically joined just for this: to connect with other people who understand and are somewhere on the same path as me -the path of recovery. Whether further ahead or not, we can all pull each other along, taking turns in being strong and being tired.
This is great, I'm so glad I found this site.

And I'm so glad there are others out there telling Ed to F off, hehe. I really feel it works. No more victim role here, time to tell him to hit the road. Actually, I'm just realizing I've had this song in my head all day. Funny. Hit the road, Ed, and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more...

Love,
Fatima

emi21
emi21's picture
Powerful stuff, I do the same

Powerful stuff, I do the same thing, I can feel ed, pushing me to binge/restrict and come back to him, I also say F off Ed, as I'm sick of it, and want to move on with my life too,
Thanks for the inspiration:)

-Emi- love life, and be strong

swan
swan's picture
I'm imagining there is some

I'm imagining there is some person called Ed out there who might come across this and get really confused and wonder why all these people hate him...:)

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