Falling Down

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raynebuzz
raynebuzz's picture
Falling Down

I did so well in my first month of recovery. I was feeling great and so excited to be moving on with my life. Since then, I have fallen down. I picked myself up, but then tripped again and again and man...I have been spiraling down. Sometimes I wonder if I want to get caught so someone else can make it stop, which is ridiculous. I feel like people must know, but yet I'm still afraid to bring it up. The disappearing food has to be obvious. The shame and physical toll on my body is debilitating. My monthly cycle is so screwy and that just adds to the challenges. I guess I don't really have a question...I just need support. I'm not doing very well providing it for myself...

JoBlogs
JoBlogs's picture
Oh my lovely, I totally know

Oh my lovely, I totally know what you mean. I used to desperately say 'I just want someone to take this away,' and 'please can somebody fix me?' It doesnt work like that, you have to do it yourself.

Thankfully Ive had lots of support and been very fortunate, the guys on here have been amazing. Ive had so many slips & its been a tiring journey but Ive made it I think. My periods are back & regular. My weight is in the normal healthy range. I can lie in the bath without pain. My body doesn't constantly ache. I dont wake in the night starving, I dont obsess about food constantly. My anxiety has reduced around food and I can now bake with my kids without a second thought.... I eat like a normal person at home and when Im out its getting easier. I managed a buffet and birthday cake last weekend and it was amazing.

You can do this. Everyone here will help you, will share the highs and lows and will understand. The only prerequisit to succeeding in recovery is to get up each time you slip. Never start over, just keep going. Its a learning curve, it needs a lot of practise, you can do this.

Sending so much love and strength to you xxxxxxxx

Jo
xxx

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