Family Cant take my slips

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sunny1985's picture
Family Cant take my slips

I feel as though my family are very supportive, however this si only when things are going well! I have told them about my ED - they know what I do but have never seen it with their own eyes.

When I am doing well they are supportive, but as soon as I slip they scream and shout at me and say that I am not trying hard enough! I cannot cope with their lack of compassion when I need it the most! They make it worse!

I feel that I am forced to lie to them when I do not want to. I am dying on the inside and need help. however the help is only forthcoming when I am going in the right direction.

How do I handle this?


Getting better bite by bite x x

elolinon's picture
Have you tried to simply let

Have you tried to simply let them know that their negative reactions are making recovery harder for you? It is important that they understand what you are going through - they may not be able to grasp what it is that leads you to act the way you do, or what you think when you do - but at least they need to be aware of the effect that their behaviour has on you. In the end, I have no doubt that your family only wants you to get better, and it is therefore essential that you tell them how they can help you on the road to recovery. It could even be that they believe they are helping you when they are being assertive and punitive! Perhaps they think that it will be beneficial to your recovery that they set clear boundaries for what is acceptable and what isn't. However, this is clearly not the case, as they in fact only make it harder for you to get over your slip-ups by adding to the already-existing bad feelings. It is great to hear that they are supporting you when you are making progress, though, and that is definitely something worth commending them on when you tell them how they make you feel. Talk about both the dos and don'ts!

What I personally experience is that I already feel such an overload of guilt, shame, regret, and other negative emotions from my own self-blaming whenever I slip up in the recovery process that the very idea of others also expressing their dismay over my mishaps is intolerable. Of course, not everyone is the same, but I just know how damaging it would be for myself to be receiving such negative feedback. I need encouragement and support from my family and close friends, not a talking-to.

There are enough negative thoughts already connected to bulimia, so let's instead focus on the positive aspects of our recovery and support each other - in good AND bad times.

elolinon's picture
P.S. Does your family ever

P.S. Does your family ever get angry at you because they see your slip-ups as you "stealing" the family food? I know some parents can be very little understanding and accuse their bulimic daughter/son of something of the sort of mindless indulgence in the fridge - as if the bulimic person was maliciously and deliberately eating the others' food, without consideration of the rest of the household. This is of course both unfair and hurtful to be accused of, not to mention embarrassing, and if this is the case, then I think you should also make sure your family understands that you are not TRYING to slip up or to sneak family food, but that sometimes, it feels practically impossible not to. Of course, I do not know if you live in the same household as the rest of the family, so this last point may not apply to your case; however, you could at least remind your family that recovery can be a MAJOR struggle at times, and that you are trying the best you can.

Wish you all the best as you move forward, and hope that some of this is helpful for you! Best of luck :-)

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