Family History - and if so, how do your family help (or not!!)

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oneday
oneday's picture
Family History - and if so, how do your family help (or not!!)

Does anybhody else have a family history of eating disorders?

My mum definitely had an issue of bing eating and restricting and some fixations with her body...my older sister has had issues with bulimia and one of my big sadnesses is that I can't talk to her about my problems as I know she shuts down completely with any emotional stuff (we had a difficult time growing up and she will not talk about the past at all).

My brother is a lot younger and I couldn't bera to burden him with this...so cna't share any of this with people who remeber my mum.

I feel so much shame and this 'hidden' family thing makes it worse...I feel like bulimia is a shameful, sinful thing, bizarrely worse than going and getting drunk or even hitting somebody, I'd rather admit to those things. Madness rationally!!!

habiba
habiba's picture
oh, i would too, we all know

oh, i would too, we all know how hard it is, sometimes i used to wish i could die when i thought i couldnt get out of this mess but i can, we all can get out, tell ur sister u really need her support, how about therapy, u know that we r all here for each other...

You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated.

firestorm
firestorm's picture
Sounds a lot like my

Sounds a lot like my family.
My mom has body image problems, to the extent that she won't ever let anyone take a picture of her. My older sister dealt with bulimia and some anorexia, and she's really no help to me when we talk. She just doesn't seem to connect to me.
I also wanted to end everything, but I saw how selfish it was because I have friends who would be very very hurt by such an action. When in doubt, we're all here for you. oxoxo

faeriejayne
faeriejayne's picture
My mum had anorexia

When she was in her late teens and then it returned after my father left. I watched her closely... and yeah I knew what she was doing. She found help in her friends and they took my brother and I away for a while and gave her a break and fed her up on doughnuts and fattening stuff. The thing is... she says she got over it really fast both times and she says because she did, it should be the same for me. It makes me angry that she compares me to her. When I tell her I'm depressed about how I look she compares herself to me and acts as if I am making her out to look really fat as if I am the one being cruel. It really annoys me and makes me feel terrible.

*Hope*
*Hope*'s picture
my mum has always had

my mum has always had "issues" with her body
my older sister suffers from bulimia too
my step mum is always dieting

i guess when your young you just pick up on those little things. like whats healthy or unhealthy.
i have grown up beleaving that fat is "bad"

i wish size didnt matter to me......

XooXooX Peace XooXooX

Shangrila
Shangrila's picture
I just found out something

I just found out something interesting I thought I might share..my family has never really been that involved in my eating disorder..I told them but the only thing they ever said on the subject was, well, we will pray for you. I spent many years beating myself up over the feeling that they didn't care about me. I've since accepted the fact that they never will support me in this area, and that recovery is going to have to be on my own strength.
But..three months ago when I mentioned to my mom that I was going on an online program for recovery, she said, very casually, well you know your great grandmother had bulimia very badly...
My jaw dropped..What?? I said..
All those years, she never told me.
It just was very interesting to me, I've read a few studies where they think bulimia has some genetic element to it.

I am Lisa
I am Lisa's picture
My grandmother was anorexic

My grandmother was anorexic and then bulimic. My mother was anorexic and then bulimic. I was overweight then anorexic and bulimic. My mother recovered in her mid twenties from bingeing and purging but as long as I can remember growing up she used to go on fasts. Saying that "its good to fast sometimes". My dad can eat an entire bag of crisps and then work out as a means to loose it. He used to do different diets and for him looks is important but none in my family is over weight. Both have a lot of rules around food. No carbs, no eating after 8 etc etc..Me I was very overweight in my early teens. I think its because my mum really didn't want me to suffer, gave me too much food. Along with food being comfort and all that so I ballooned and was bingeing a lot. I remember my parents discussing it a lot, weighing me, trying to put me on diets and exercise programs. I even remember my dad telling me that my mum used to be very thin and was very pretty (she was an actress and a model) and throwing up when they met. At 12 I lost so much weight I became under weight and soon after I started purging. Despite my parents knowing about my eating disorder they never helped me, never got me to a professional. I had to do all that alone when I was 21. I resented them for that for years. How can you just watch someone you love hurt themselves like that? Especially if you've been there yourself. I've given them enough grief over this thou and I believe I have gotten past the anger. The past years I have been very open with my mum and she is a good supporter. My dad thou, not so. Physical performance have always been important to him. My brother is extremely scared of becoming over weight as well. Maybe because he saw how much I suffered. He exercise a lot.
I will say that my parents are 100% guilty of causing me this disease. Even thou they never meant to. I hope I never will let this move on to my future child(ren). Its time to break that cycle.

---------------------------------
I take one day at a time to overcome something
that has been forever on my mind

Sam01
Sam01's picture
My mum was anorexic for my of

My mum was anorexic for my of my late childhood and teens. She spent several years straight in hospital trying to recover. She was a mess, she escaped from the hospital several times and got returned by the police, had shock therapy (the done thing in those days), tried to kill herself several times by several different means.... I also saw the laxatives and everything she did to maintain the ED. I always swore i'd never be like her but here i am today! Sad

GiGi
GiGi's picture
my mum is a low weight maintenance anorexic

My mum has never ever even try'd to get help apart admissions to medical hospitals where she lies and lies. She has switched doctors once they cop on and bring it up. She is very very difficult to live with ( I moved out so I could start recovering for anorexia) or be around. She accepted me when i was anorexic till I got life treatening ill she did see much problem with it. She is discusted by bulimia ("no disipline no "self control" as she puts it.)My doctor thinks i need to cut all contact with her, after he met with her, I dont have the heart of course. But I keep distance.
But I have realised three things in the past three years 1/ I can't cure her 2/ Her behaviour and beliefs are the illness not her. Its an illness she has. 3/ she may not accept me/my weight etc but she will always love me even if she doesnt show it.
My sister is at an extremely low bmi and has not gained weight from the age of 14 now shes 29 my brother controls his weight and is low weight. Sometimes I get angry thinking things could have been different some times I blame her but placing blame doesnt make me move forward.
My main problem is when i spend time with her or go home i trow up there and alot for days. I know its a major trigger but shes my mum and wont be round for ever.

Gigi

UnlockedSecrets
UnlockedSecrets's picture
My mum

My mum was anorexic for 8 years and recovered but relapsed when i was just starting secondary school...she soon got help this time but the space inbetween her relapsing and recovering again was hard for me to see...i was 11 and iv'e always looked up to my mum..so her behaviours and her relationship with food definately had a negative effect on me...2 years later my struggle with anorexia started...thing is even though i would expect her to understand i couldnt ever tell her and if the topic was ever brought up it was changed within seconds. when i passed out during pe at school one day my form tutor...who had known for a while now...decided enough was enough and told me this time she would have to tell my mum. i was mortified....they rang her and she sat me down that night...this is when i realised that she actually didnt get me at all...she said to me if this is just a phase and your only carrying on because school told us and you dont want us to think your lying then its fine just stop and we can get back to normal....so she thought that i was doing it to fill my spare time n that i would just click my fingers....during this time i realised i didnt ever want her knowing anything about me...she made me feel like a fraud and when i was at my lowest i couldnt talk to her at all...we arent close at all anymore and i was wrong to ever think she would ever understand me....she noticed the cuts on my arms the other day and her words were...oh did you do that when you were going through that eating disorder phase...you know that stupid little thing a couple of years back...i just walked out...to be honest she annoys the crap out of me...she treats me like a 5 year old and when im attempting to deal with my eating disorder (oh no sorry my ''phase'') she makes everything 10 times harder....the one person i expected to completely understand is the one person that i cant open my mouth to....she is currently unaware that this ''phase'' is still going on...and she isnt going to know anything otherwise. i cant deal with the way she reacts to it all. she drives me crazy....her past issues i dont think had much effect on how she deals with this....thing is she was always like that...trying to make light of a dark situation...sometimes there just isnt any light and she makes things worse...when i do eat..she will analyse what im eating...telling me how many calories, fat, sugar etc is in it...i dont read the labels if i do eat..but then i have her sat there highlighting all the crap in it....she is going to be the biggest thing that gets in the way of me recovering and im not sure i want to test that theory at all :/ x

Ellie :) x

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