Fears of overwhelming friends

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justfortodaypsk
justfortodaypsk's picture
Fears of overwhelming friends

The holidays are notoriously hard for me on a number of levels. Lately, I am have been really struggling with overexercising and I am beginning to fear I am scaring or overwhelming some of my closest friends and my sister. Part of me is afraid of judgment and the more disordered part is afraid they will get in the way of me exercising. A healthy part of me knows I need and deserve a break, but exercise for me is such an outlet and now a compulsion. I guess I know what I "should" do but right now I don't feel willing to change my lifestyle. And I know it's contributing to my peaking anxiety. I have a counseling appt next week but I felt driven to make the appt in part because a good friend of mine encouraged me and also because I know I can't bombard my friends with some of my really extreme and disordered thoughts because I know they're scary and a lot to handle. I am trying to reconnect with this site to get more outside support.

free bird
free bird's picture
Yeah. That happens to me

Yeah. That happens to me too... the over-exercising in a compulsive/every day/oh-my-god-I-can't-stop-or-I'll-freak-out kind of way. I have not found a way to avoid that if I am doing any kind of structured strenuous exercise. If I consistently maintain a moderately active lifestyle, I can avoid the over-exercising. And I can't do the gym thing. I mean, I CAN, but it goes ridiculous overboard almost immediately. I've tried over and over again... I wonder sometimes if I know how to learn from a mistake ;-) It sorta sucks cuz I really like strenuous exercise but, on the other hand, it doesn't suck having my mental/physical energy available for other things.

free bird

Last Resort
Last Resort's picture
I can get into that mindset

I can get into that mindset really easily. I used to compulsively and have to learn to do it in moderation due to the nature of my job. I love being active though so I try to find things to keep me active but out of using the gym too much. I limit how many times I can exercise a week and the time I spend on it. It's about balance for me. I had gotten into a pretty decent routine for the cold weather months, but due to my last b/p spree I had to take some time off because my body was badly beaten up from the bulimia and in rushed the fears. The nice thing is that I always remember that too much exercise can be just as bad as not getting any physical activity. I see people where I work that obviously overexercise and their body composition doesn't even improve but they look more and more weathered and worn down, that also is a constant reminder.

I love therapy! Have you ever been? This is the first time for me that I am being completely, consistently, honest with my therapist and it is helping with my emotional issues. Honestly, it seems that this site has helped more with the bulimia though. Just remember to give it time. I always feel like I need to be "fixed" after a month or so and either stopped being honest or quit going.

Hope everything goes well! A great activity that I use when I can't exercise is meditation and focus more on the mental wellbeing and soundness, and is a great outlet for anxiety and stress.

~Hoping to find Liberation from Desperation~

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