Feel like I'm slipping after 2 years of recovery :(

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bri123
bri123's picture
Feel like I'm slipping after 2 years of recovery :(

Ok so it is almost been exactly 2 years since I found this website and began my road to recovery. I was doing great! I gained a bit of weight the first few months and so I started working out. I have been consistently going to the gym since then, eating healthy most of the time and feeling great! I thought I'd never look back. I still had a fear of getting fat but my new healthy lifestyle would make if hard for that to happen. Ok so anyways, 4 months ago I got a boob job. Yeah it was exciting but I didn't realize how long I would be out of the gym. I still can't do most of my upper body workouts. And now that I can work out I'm out of my routine so it's hard to make myself go to the gym. And I've been drinking and smoking more than usual. So the past 2 months I've felt like a fat lard and the last 2 weeks I've thrown up 2 or 3 times. Twice while drinking but today I did for no reason. I haven't been binging but I have been thinking about food too much and snacking when I'm not even hungry. I've been down this road again and I really do not wanna do it again. Please help! If anyone has any advice, books I should read, anything I'd be more than grateful. Thanks

Mouli
Mouli's picture
Hi there. I am so sorry you

Hi there. I am so sorry you feel that you are being sucked back in to the nightmare of bulimia. Before you start panicking again perhaps you need to take a huge deep breath and then focus on everything you have achieved and perhaps you need to just follow the system again. Follow SE like you used to to get you where you have once been. You have done it before and I believe you can do it again. Really focus on the recovery steps again just to give you that help. I wish you well. You can do it!!! Mx

freakyblonde88
freakyblonde88's picture
Girl I know how you feel.

Girl I know how you feel. Recovered here as well. However I have torn the small muscle fibers across my entire chest as a result of a 3 week intense cough.

All I can do is lie at home, being sick with a cough and in pain, and the muscles won't heal for several weeks. So I definetely feel your anxiety. But our bodies are amazing once we're physically healed up we will be able to get back to the place we were before. I haven't worked out since mid-July(used to do it almost everyday) and yet I stepped on a scale after all that time, and there was no weight change, and heck I had Friday night pizza a few times. (I don't have a scale so it's only every few months when I visit my in-laws that I weigh myself.)

So Basically, I cannot really help you feel better, or clear away your anxiety, but I know exactly how you feel. Cause I feel the same, and it is scary. BUT! We have to hold on to recovery it's not worth giving up for these weeks-months of our bodies healing.

ED sticks around much longer, then recovery from surgery, or muscle damage.

Life is too short to not be happy

PollyM
PollyM's picture
Hi Bri, From someone who

Hi Bri,

From someone who relapsed more times than I care to remember over 20 years I want to share one thing with you. When we binge and purge it's because we're experiencing something we don't want to feel and we turn to food to find relief. I sense that the way you're looking at your body isn't in harmony with self-love and compassion.

When you have unrealistic expectations of yourself (i.e. weight/body/shape), you can start beating yourself up (meaning your mind chatter gets really loud like you're a loser/whimp/worthless). When we can't separate from the mind chatter and it gets louder and our feeling of worthlessness gets worse we try to find relief from what that does to us emotionally/spiritually/physically.

I'd invite you to look at tools to help you get more present with your feelings and start to surf the emotions you're having and remember you're not your thoughts.

Gosh, I'm totally going on and on here. I hope some of this is helpful - don't want to write you a whole novel. If you want more ideas, stop by my blog. I did a post recently that may be helpful about how to stop a binge. Might be a good starting point for you?

http://www.inspiring-bulimia-recovery.com/how-to-stop-binge-trigger/

Keep communicating here/by email...don't go into hiding ok? Stay with us here and get the support you need.

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