Feeling hopeless :(

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Irene22
Irene22's picture
Feeling hopeless :(

I am sorry that my first message on this forum is a sad one, but I felt that I just needed to write my worries and feelings and be heard (read) by someone else.

My name is Irene and I am Spanish. I have been battling with bulimia for 12 years now and when I found this programme I thought I had been blessed and had finally found the way.

I have just started, I mean, I started reading the book the 30th of December or so and immediately started to apply the estructured eating plan. I was just so happy for all the changes that came with it, as I spent the first ten days of this year free of purging and (almost) bingeing!! I contemplated a future free for bulimia for the first time in many years and was so amazed at the prospect :)

But now I feel like a loser again. I have started working night shifts for two days a week, which implies that the following day I wake up late, tired, and I would even add depressed. These mornings I really don't know what to do, I feel lost, a failure ( it is really hard for me to spend time doing nothing, and I wake up really unmotivated. Really have an issue with being home alone), and always end up bingeing and messing up my meals for the rest of the day.

It has happened to me again today, and I feel that I may not ever succeed, that it's not going to work, so I turn to you people in the hope you have been through this same situation and are now better and can give me any word of support or advice. On top of it I look at myself now and feel bloated, fat, and disgusted with my body :(

I hope you can help me and I thank you all for being there and listening (reading me) :) I really want this to work.

Thank you,

Irene

lindsay6
lindsay6's picture
You are brand new to this and

You are brand new to this and there are always ups and downs to recovery. Shift work is tough, I am a nurse so I know about shift work. It is frustrating finding yourself feeling disconnected but I think sometimes that just happens. In the past when I felt that way I BP. Suddenly there is a space to fill and it is uncomfortable at first. It will get better. Just really think and strategize about how you can manage your eating for yourself doing shifts. I bet you will come up with something.

When you are going through hell, keep going.

Irene22
Irene22's picture
Thanks a lot for your words.

Thanks a lot for your words. They are really helpful. I hope I'll find a way to organise myself and fill my voids other than bingeing.

Wise words, Winston :)

Filly
Filly's picture
I don't work shift work but I

I don't work shift work but I do experience a similar struggle whenever I'm left with lots of time but too tired to do anything productive. One thing I've tried that has been successful for me in the past (I believe someone on this site actually gave me this advice) is to schedule your time - for every 5 or 10 minutes if you have to, or by the hour. Whatever works for you. But have a plan for those minutes - even if it's just throwing in a load of laundry or lying on the couch. To break up my time I will watch a show on Netflix (usually ~25 minutes) and then spend 15-20 minutes doing something productive (tidying up the living room) or something more enjoyable (having a bath, playing fetch with the dog). I also find baking bread to be very therapeutic. It takes only a little bit of effort at a time and then you get a big break while it does its thing. And you have something to show for it at the end. I don't really eat a whole lot of bread so I usually give it away. People are thrilled to receive freshly baked homemade bread.

Oh and try to be mindful in whatever you're doing - even if it's just watching TV.

Hope this helps. Good luck and take care!

Filly

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