Feeling judged

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JLB's picture
Feeling judged

I just realized that I was extremely afraid of people's judgement regarding my weight. I never realized it before. I use to act as if I didn't care, but the truth is that is really hurts me. How can we move beyond that?

Teensy88's picture
Great question! I guess self

Great question!
I guess self love and confidence is part of the answer! I'm working on it but unfortunately confidence isn't something you can just get straight away!
It's funny because I was such a confident child and now I'm just an insecure mess over the most ridiculous things!
Would be interested to see what other people respond with!



somethingblooming's picture
I struggle with this too!! I

I struggle with this too!!
I was talking to my counsellor about this yesterday and we came to a few conclusions:
1. People who love you and are true friends won't judge you about your weight/how you look and their opinions are the ones that matter.
2. People really only focus on themselves - they are thinking about you less than you think!
3. When people are judging you or thinking about your weight/your eating habits, they are usually projecting their own insecurities onto you and its nothing really about you! I know that when I am in full blown restriction mode, I am always judging other people and thinking 'I wonder how they are so skinny, they probably have amazing self control bla bla', but when I am eating normally I am able to be more rational and remind myself not to worry about others because who knows what is really going on with them!

Also the most confident I have ever felt is when I tell myself that i am more than my appearance! I remember when i first started recovery I went on a road trip with some friends and I met a guy and I was really struggling with my appearance at the time. I told myself I would forget how I looked and just try to fake confidence and let my personality shine! And I had the best week ever to be honest! And he is now my boyfriend of almost 2 years! So whenever I feel really low about how I look, I remember that people fall in love with your personality and how you make them feel, not how you look!

Sorry that was a big rant!! Hope it helped a little!!!!

"I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.”

JLB's picture
That is SO true! people

That is SO true! people really focus on themselves and I realized that when someone was looking at my body, it was because they were in «comparison mode». People who really couldn't care less look me directly in the eyes, and I can feel that they are true, genuine, authentic. Not self-centered and trying to figure out who is better then who.

And I also noticed that when I feel empowered, strong and confident, I attract that kind of people to myself, while when I restrict and feel like a victim, depressed, sad, and always comparing myself to others, I also attract that kind of people to me...

freakyblonde88's picture
I think it's a natural thing

I think it's a natural thing to feel that you want to be liked and loved for who you are an how you look. And people can be terrible when it comes to weight, I know this cause peoples comments were a big part of what sent me down the road of ED.

The solution is to try to keep a realistic thought pattern even when the media and world around you are contstantly focused on looks, weight, diets etc. We have to remind ourselves that what we're seeing there isn't real. Not in a million years. And then my personal lesson was that, when I thought people were looking at me cause of my weight and I thought "Oh great they think I'm fat or flabby", turns out they weren't thinking that at all, it was like "ah nice shirt" Or I was just wondering how you find time to stay healthy etc etc. Or with structured eating people are amazed that it works, since I'm not that big but I'm constantly eating.

And most importantly positive empowerment over time. Only this month after 1.5 years fully recovered have I actually realised that I like my body, I'm completely fine with the way it is, the parts that may sag or the parts that are lopsided, the parts I hated before or the parts I liked that have changed. I finally think my body is great because it's a healthy and happy body. And I'm at the point that I don't care what else it should be. Because this point was a long time coming and NO ONE is taking that away from me again.

We're all freaking awesome! And we need to believe that. Big hugs to all you beautiful girls out there, no matter what your waist size is.

Life is too short to not be happy

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