Okey so I've been here now for a month and a half I think. I have done my best and must say I have really made progress.
My binge urges are much less frequent and not as aggressive.
I do still binge and purge but I totally believe in this. It is working.
Except one thing that I do not know how to handle.
I have always been the strong fit girl.
Now none of my clothes fit me anymore. Ok, I get that, I'm trying not to purge when I binge which is a success and the weight will get back to normal in the future. It's worth it. I don't look at myself in the mirror anymore because I know I will cry.
I can handle that I just don't look in the mirror.
But this I cannot handle:
I've gotten so fat that I cannot carry myself as I used to, 6 weeks ago. I cannot do 35 push-ups anymore because it's so much harder with my new heavy body.
I cannot run my 7km morning run anymore. I lose my breath after less than 10 minutes.
This is heart breaking to me.
Working out has been my outlet whenever I feel down. Now I just feel like a loser even when I work out.
I know I haven't gotten less fit. It's just the load that has increased tremendously.
I know that I have gained a lot in health in my mind. But physically I feel terrible.
My legs and joints are swollen. My stomach is so swollen I cannot sit down comfortably.
I would very much appreciate any advice on how to deal with this.
I should add to this that my fitness is my business. I train people for a living.
If I can't keep up with my clients I cannot do my job.
I have taken the past two weeks of work because of this. And started 2 different training routines to bring me back ok track.
But I'm not confident they will help as I have hypothyroidism that isn't yet treated optimally my metabolism is very low.
I'm totally lost. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.