finding the light.

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Pieda's picture
finding the light.

I havent purged in 2 days and i already feel amazing! I ate and didnt purge, i tried alittle after a grilled cheese sandwich but nothing came up so after a couple attempts i stopped and sat down. I learned it helps me to sleep after i eat something because by the time i wake up i feel like theres nothing i can do about it but that doesnt mean im gonna be sleeping beauty but if im home alone, i learned it as a trick. I have even worked out for an hour and a half, gonna try 2 full hours but this workout is rough lol. I feel good and as long as the people around me give me comfort when i need it i think i will be alright. Gods on our side and he is gonna help you and me out. I need to focus on positivity and not the negative. Instead of looking at my old skinny jeans and looking down, im gonna look at them and work to fit back into them in a healthy and positive way. I also saved the deadly side effects of bulimia on my phones bookmarkers. So when i feel weak, i can look at that and know that sandwich i ate is gonna be alot more healthy then having my throat or stomach burst. This is all mental so, if something got us to start it then there is something to make us stop and thats God. I think im gonna go visit tx this summer with my boyfriend and when i go to md in a week im gonna be confident. No reason for me not to be. Im beautiful, strong, determined and my heart is big from the love and understanding it carries, tho sometimes it breaks my heart how my brothers seem not to use theirs or see mine. It will all be fine and sorted. :) i have to give myself and God time cause he has a beautiful plan for me and it is not right for me to try and rush it. Recovery takes time but, i am really gonna fight bulimia. Show ed that i am incontrol and it is nothing but a lost memory.

This damaging way to please you is hurting me, this pathalogical warfare in my soul is aching me and my need to be happy with myself is killing me. Show me a path way to follow for the one I walk is tricking and suicide.

kbdelia's picture
Hey Im glad to here your

Hey Im glad to here your doing better and on great terms with God, that is whats most important because He is the only real answer to this problem of bulimia. He does have a plan for your life and yes you are beautiful. I am struggling so much with my faith and relationship with God, we are not on good terms, I can't tell how I feel toward God anymore, maybe angry or apathetic, or disapointed; but I know I used to be much closer to him than I am now and that ED has ripped us apart. I know He is the only answer but Im angry at the body he has given me and that he has allowed all this to happen. But I admire your strength and courage and trust in God and his plan, I wish I was so strong in my faith as you. Hope your holiday is going well.
Sending you lots of love and HUGS <3

"I have held many things in my hands and lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess." -- Martin Luther

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