Ok... Let's see if I can make sense of this. I'm getting to the point where I'm tuning in to my body's cues a little better and am trying to make a go of the intuitive eating. I'm not free of the purges, and not entirely free of the binges, but I've done a lot better after structured eating... I just found I was still eating too much (to the point of discomfort), I think because I was more focused on external cues like nutritional content, x grams of protein, or preplanned portion sizes, etc, so I'd eat what I'd planned to eat, even if I wasn't really that hungry. My last purge incidents weren't really associated with a binge - I ate a little too much or ate something that didn't sit right and wound up bringing it up. But both times I was able to avoid driving to the store for a carton of ice cream once I knew it was going to happen. What I'm feeling is that being able to dissociate the purge from the binge makes me feel a lot less crazy (and I didn't have to deal with a horrendous binge hangover). At this point I feel I can forgive a purge more than a binge - I find I'm purging if I do something wrong on accident, a quick oops and it's over, instead of throwing my hands in the air and making a night out a b/p session and purging hours later.
I know the program says to stop the purging first, and I agree that it is essential for getting the chaos to stop. In trying to get the relapses to subside, however, it seems like unlearning the binging is more effective than fighting the purging... if I can learn to stop binging the purges will fall away on their own. (I never really felt the need to purge after a meal that left me feeling good, though I know that's a concern for some and definitely something to be careful to watch out for.)
Is there anyone else out there in this kind of a place?