Hard to handle!

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oliviaoblivio
oliviaoblivio's picture
Hard to handle!

Hi,

It's been 3 months since I started the recovery. I'm pretty pride; I don't purge anymore, I started to think in other things even if I continue to think in my body shape and in my weight and food issues. But it's easier to live. It's like I was carrying a heavy rock in my back but little by little this rock has became lighter.
However the path of recovery is long and when you think that you get over a challenge a new one come to take the place.

When I with my friends and with my boyfriend (they don't know about my Bulimia) it's so hard to stick to the structural eating. I mean, in order to avoid binge I avoid some food, my trigger food, because when I try to eat I feel so awful and guilty all the day and even all the week so I get depressed and start bingeing.... The problem is that when I'm with my friends or my boyfriend and we're dinning together I must to say NO to any of my trigger food, and the critics and the laughs, of all of them, start. They hate the people that makes a diet. So, somehow they start to mock of me, saying how weak and idiotic are the people who diet. It's painful but I try to let it go. They don't know what are they talking about. But I don't know how to handle that. Any advise? I don't want to tell averybody about my Bulimia in order to be accepted or understood.

Poppet
Poppet's picture
Hey Oliviaoblivio! Yes it

Hey Oliviaoblivio!

Yes it must be hard for you to go through all the questioning and mocking. So well done for being that brave person who still openly e turns down binge foods.

While I haven't been in the exact same situation, I have noticed that each time I have opened up to someone, told the truth, talked about what I have done with food, etc. the illness looses power. In my opinion what keeps the illness well alive is all the guilt, shame, and hiding that goes with it. The more WE keep things secret the more we relate to the illness as something bad and un curable. Yet it is NOT! Nothing could be further from the thruth! The eating disorders we develop are a biological and natural process resulting from excessive retrieve eating! Nothing more - the book makes this crystal clear. So please please don't think that you something is wrong with you.

Those who truly love you, alreay love you with all your qualities and quirks. No one is perfect - some of us just happen to have an eating disorder. Others may be excessively shy, for example. But that is the beauty of loving: is accepting others AND OURSELVES just as we are. Pretending to be perfect and in control of every single aspect of your life is exhausting - trust me I have done it for many years!

In my experience the people I have told were amazingly supportive and loving, and did help me hugely when I was scared of eating something, upset by my body, experiencing an urge binge...

I would love to hear back from you - let me know how you go

Lots land lots of buckets of courage and love

xxx

Poppet

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