Hello :)

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Jemima
Jemima's picture
Hello :)

Hi I'm Jemima,

I guess you could say I've been in recovery for 1 month now. I've had bulima for 12 years (woah that's a long time when you write it down) since I was 15, but for the first 3 years had Anorexia as well. It started off as Anorexia, where I would not eat anything for a set number of days and then allow myself a binge (followed by a purge). After being hospitalised for anorexia and realising that my quest for extreme thinness actually made me less happy instead of more (which we all think right), and that I was slowly isolating myself from my family and friends and ruining any chance of having a normal healthy and happy life where I can contribute something to this world instead of taking, that I stop listening to the anorexic part of me and went into recovery.

I didn't find psychology helpful, as I didn't fell I had a big bad problem I had to work through in order to suddenly view myself the way everyone else did and eat "normally". After being bulimic for so long I just have had enough of it. I've wasted so much time and money on this, and missed out on doing things everyone else does because I'm too tired/busy being bulimic. Every bing/purge session erodes my self esteem even more, and makes me think I'm a crazy person. I work in a health profession, so I know the side effects of this and I don't want that to happen to me.

I really do think I can recover. After stumbling on this site, all this info about structured eating and body binge urges and mind binge urges makes perfect sense to me. Since then I haven't binged/purged in 1 month! I really think this is the answer. I hope everyone else on here gets well too! Thankyou for the site :)

Jemima xx

Jemima

granny goat
granny goat's picture
Hi Jemima, I agree with you.

Hi Jemima,

I agree with you. I had the same reaction when I read the book. Every bit of it made sense to me completely. I have only been doing the structured eating for two weeks, but I have not purged and had only a couple of mini-binges the first couple of days. I can't see myself binging or purging again. It almost feels miraculous. The only thing I can see causing me to backslide would be if I couldn't stick to the three hour eating schedule for some reason.

I agree too about psychology. It didn't appeal to me at all to go stirring up every bad thing that happened to me over the years. I just wanted to find out how to stop this food madness. I feel like I have found it.

I wish us both continued success.

Jemima
Jemima's picture
Thanks Granny Goat! I totally

Thanks Granny Goat! I totally agree, it does feel miraculous! I actually have not had an urge at all to BP in the last month (except for a mini binge on saturday night because I had missed an arvo snack and was late with dinner for social reasons). Good luck in your recovery too, sounds like you're doing really well :)

Jemima xx

Jemima

granny goat
granny goat's picture
Those mini-binges were what

Those mini-binges were what convinced me that I needed to be sure to eat on schedule and to eat enough.

It's a whole different way of thinking, since I would routinely wait as long as possible and eat as little as possible in the past, which then led me to huge binges.

Why I didn't get the connection much sooner myself is a mystery. Maybe I am not as bright as I think.

But I am convinced now and confident this can work forever.

Who knew???

AnMu
AnMu's picture
Hi Carol, This is not true,

Hi Carol,
This is not true, that you are not as bright as you think.
The bulimia trapped us. Physically and mentally. Fooled us,
In my 19 years of bulimia, there were only a few attempts I could stop for a while, But I was not succesfull, because of my perfectionist personality and being always very ambitious and trying to achieve as much as possible at my work.
Also in how I approach my work, I am a little bulimic. I tend to work alot and this makes me to feel always tired(of course, also because of lack of food) and a terrible stresfull job.
I used to consume all my energy for work and all I felt the need to do when coming from work or to forget that I am alone, it was to eat.
I had incredible many evenings(I think most of them is the past years), when coming from work, very tired, binge-purge and then go to sleep,
All my free time I used it for B&P.
And I didn't allow myself to think too much at this, because making a deep analysis of my situation always used to send me in a big depression.

Last year I moved to Germany, due to my former boyfriend and changed my job, to be with him. I was brilliant in my past job. In Germany nobody knew me, They expected from me to perform and to be brilliant as I was recommended.
My dear boyfriend changed his mind very soon I moved there and didn't want to have a relationship with a romanian and he decided for a german lady. A hairdresser, younger with 7 years than me.
This nearly destroyed me as I made that huge effort to relocate in Germany for him.
I was so finished because of this, stress with thelocation in a new country, stress with a new job, my terrible bulimia.
I failed.
At that job they told me they dont want a person like me. Not because I am not a good professionist, but because I was always so depressive, letargic, uncommunicative, totally different as they wanted me to be.
All my universe was destroyed, when I lost that job, as I failed in that area where I always put so much energy.

This is why I moved back to China. Determined to start a new life, to get well.
That was a huge hit for me, which was like a turning point and ade me to decide I have to search for help and recover.

It is well known for people sick of bulimia, they dont seek for help till they are not brought to the limits and wake them up.
It doesnt have anything to do with how much clever you are, how educated you are.
This bulimia is literally wash our brains, re-write all our lives and make the decissions for us.

Anna

AnMu

granny goat
granny goat's picture
Anna, you are a survivor.

Anna, you are a survivor. I'm so sorry life has been so cruel to you, but I think it is going to get much better for you when you conquer bulimia. When you describe using all your free time for b/p, that sounds so sad, but I can honestly say there have been many times in my life when I was doing the same thing. What an insane desperate thing for us to do, but now we know how to do better. On the one hand, I can't believe the cure can be as simple as eating every three hours, but on the other hand, that is all I am doing and it is working.

You must have a tremendous amount of talent and drive to move from country to country like that and to be able to get good jobs in these economic times. Without bulimia, the sky will be the limit for you. It will also give you the self-worth you need to avoid good-for-nothing men who jump from one woman to another and attract the kind of loyal man you deserve.

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