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sanjogkaur's picture

Hey everyone!

I'm posting this under structured eating even though I'm not sure if it should go here yet...

I've being in recovery for more than two years in this site now...not too constant I admit, simply taking my time, slowly adopting new behaviors, thoughts, views about food and life.

I feel like a lot has changed in my life. I spent a year without purging and lots of binges...and after that I had an almost six month relapse when I was b/p once a month, and restricting a lot. This caused me to loose a lot of weight...and obviously I was happy until I found myself b/p four consecutive days! I got scared and decided to go back to recovery 100%.

It's being almost a month since then and I'm happy to say that things are going well. I'm definitely not the same as two years ago when I b/p several times a day and thought about food all day...nor am I the same as a year ago when I refused to purge due to my compromise with recovery but kept eating like crazy and feeling sick and bad about it...

I also don't feel like 6 months ago, when I fooled myself to think I was cured because I only b/p once a month, but then kept skipping dinner and eating only bananas for breakfast...

How do I feel?

Well, this past month I have being eating so well! I went back to SE and have being eating every 3-4 hours. I had a vouching session and realized I was not eating carbs so I've dig including these in my meals. I also added more protein and fat in the form of nuts, and have made he compromise to always eat dinner. This has helped me feel satisfied a the time. I can feel when I'm full and stop eating when I feel it. I can also listen when I feel hungry and instead of trying to control it, I nourish my body with food. I can see that I love eating and it feels comfortable thinking I will eat again in three hours and I can eat delicious food. It feels nice to know I don't have to think of any food as bad and I can enjoy the foods I like.

However, I feel like I'm gaining some weight and it makes me wonder if I'm eating right. Maybe I'm eating too much anyway, although in this month I haven't over eaten at all. But I have being eating lots of carbs that before I saw as bad like white rice and bread and noodles. Also because in in Laos and there's not too many alternatives to include more herby carbs in my diet.

I obviously don't want to restrict because I know where that will take me, but I was told if I eat write and in moderate amounts I should not gain weight...and I am gaining it!

So...should I eat less of these "bad" carbs and avoid them until I can find better options? It just feels like by eating these foods I'm eating dessert every single the sense I'm eating foods that before I would've never taken...and now I think these are the ones causing this extra weight. also, I'm eating carbs in dinner which I didn't do before because I've heard it's not good to eat so much at dinner, especially carbs...and now I include them...

Should I make changes?

Maybe this sounds stupid and simple to everyone, but my head is really confused. I can't tell today...what voice is my intuition and what voice is my diet voice fooling me?

Hope this makes sense and someone can give me some clues...

Love I everyone!







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