help!! how we do stop binging in recovery!!!

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horsebacklover2's picture
help!! how we do stop binging in recovery!!!

OK help! pretty much as above.. how do i stop binging in recovery? im trying not to purge, and as a result find myself more prone to binging (bad binging..) and i start to eat one cookie for eg or one portion and it goes out of control... and then the problem is i know this wil trigger the b/p if i dont stop.. bc ill freak out about feeling so gross and fat.. how do we do this? does anyone else struggle and how do we deal with binging!! i hate it!!! help!!!

dee, horsebackgirl

Letgoandletgod's picture
If you took 10 years to walk in the woods...

I took this response from another discussion that was aimed towards you and added a bit more...hope this helps!

i can relate horsebacklover2, i said the same thing to bf, therapists, friends, that all these tips we talk about don't work. Though, I think, and I'm slowly learning, that nothing is going to be a magic potion. That abstaining from bulimic actions is a very loooong, labor-intensive process. I believe we have to be diligent, to work to the best of our abilities every day to create a structured world around us. For me, I have to structure EVERYTHING: making sure I eat until I'm full, eating healthy meals, committing myself to regular exercise, going to work, like someone mentioned above, setting a bedtime, and all the other stuff in between that makes our day. I have to schedule everything little thing out so I make sure I'm on task. Also, if there is free time in my schedule, I try to make arrangements to meet up with friends or do certain activities at specific times so that I am accountable for my actions.
I also HAVE to HAVE back-up plans, because I'm very very good at tricking myself into believing that I don't need to do certain things, or hmwk can wait, or just bail on a friend because he/she doesn't care about me anyways....or whatever excuses we can come up with. I feel like this is the crucial, pivotal point in stopping the b/p cycle. Okay, so I'm in a space inmy head where I'm either already at the races or hopefully, with practice of reminding myself of what I want out of life (i.e. ending b/ping) throughout the day, I have at least one single thought that just MAYBE can save me. My thought(s) may be something like:
Do I really want to do this? Or, I know this isn't a healthy action, or something of that sort. Or am I full right now, and if so, why do I feel like eating? What does my body and mind feel like now (i.e. tense, anxious, frustrated, face a little flush, jumpy, racing heart, etc)? Why do I feel the way I do, body and mind wise? What events are causing me to feel this way, in which these feelings make me want to go on a binge bender? How can I change they way I feel about these events.

And sometimes it works and I go out to get coffee and read a book or meet up with someone or do something productive, or sometimes it doesn't work and I b/p. Nothing is guarenteed, and it's a long painful process.
At first, I thought that when someone told me this I though it was all BS and that I was of a very special case of bulimia, where I was just 'effed up and hopeless, though when I really gave this process a chance and tried to understand myself on an intimate level, I began to notice how much I didn't love myself,, how misconstrued my thoughts are.
Nothing is magical, and our thinking is unfortunately very much magical. I mean, think about all the crazy thoughts we all have about weight loss and how the magic of bulimia saved our souls from being fat! Oh please we're all so full of ourselves! But this is okay, because we are in painful places in our lives and all we can do is be gentle and try, try again.
I've been in the bulimia business for a while, and it isn't even until recently I realized that my actions were unacceptable, I was hiding who I really am, stuffing my true emotions away, and depriving myself of any sanity and satiety. It's been a long time, and someone said to me once and I believe it true now, esp. since recovering from drugs and alcohol and having sobriety with hard 12 step work, looking back and seeing how long it took for little change (though little change is SO rewarding, I couldn't even have imagined it):
If it takes 10 years to walk in the woods, it's going to take 10 years to come back out.

I know, it's the last thing I wanted to hear but it rung true for me.

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