Hi everyone :)
I hope you are all well! My sister in law has struggled with her weight her whole life, and want's to loose about 30-40kg to be in the healthy weight range for her height. I am not very close to her, as she lives far away so I haven't had much of an oppertunity to get to know her. She does email and call me from time to time, mostly to discuss what diet and exercise regimen she is currently undertaking.
9 months ago she asked me to write a diet and exercise plan for her to help her lose weight, as she said I was "good at self control around food, ate healthy, and was fit". She did not, and does not, know that I have struggled with eating disorders for the last 12 years of my life, and I am under no illusions that my way of eating and exercising over the past has been anything but balanced and healthy. But appearances can be deceiving...
Anyway, at the time I obliged (as I was in denial that I had a problem with restriction- and subsequent BP, and exercise addition), and wrote an example diet plan of around 1400 calories per day- still 6 meals a day but extremely low calorie and unsatisfying meals. My sister in law isn't one to stick to diets for longer than 2 weeks, so she inevitably disgarded it, along with all the other diets she has been on in favor for skipping dinner and consuming only chocolate.
My wedding is coming up in August, and she wants to lose weight for it. She emailed me yesterday asking if I could help her. She wants to email me every day everything she has eaten and what exercise she has done so that I can "kick her butt, and motivate" her and keep her on track. Now I may have been happy to do this in the past, but I feel completely uncomfortable doing this now. I feel like it would be a huge trigger for me. I don't want to be in a "diet" and "lose weight" head space. I don't want to critique someone elses diet, when I have come to not believe in "diets" from this recovery program. I don't want to have to get mad at her when she skips meals in the day and binges on chocolate and binge drinks alcohol 3 nights a week instead of doing what she knows is healthy. Especially leading up to my wedding, where there is pressure to lose weight and look your best, I don't want to be thinking about diets!
At the same time, I don't want to seem unsupportive and mean and I worry by saying "no" she will think I am being mean. My fiance's mother is the one who suggested to her to get me to help her in the first place. I am not close enough with her to tell her I am recovering from an eating disorder and I don't want to discuss diets. Does anyone have any advice for me? I feel trapped!