hiding your past disordered eating behaviours from your partner

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coco
coco's picture
hiding your past disordered eating behaviours from your partner

hello everybody,
how do you feel about telling your partner/bf/husband that you have had an eating disorder for many years or even most of your life?
I was able to stop b/p - though not obsessing about my weight - because of my relationship with my fiance. He never found out and I never told him anything. I couldn't even tell him I went to a psychotherapy for about 2,5 years. It's not that I don't trust him. It's just that I don't want him to think I am still ill. I'd feel controlled and observed by him if he knew. furthermore I don't want to talk about this sad chapter of my life with him because it is with him that I can feel happy and live a normal life. I don't want to spoil the happiness.
What do you think about this? do you think he might be angry if he found out one day I never told him about such a big matter?
love,
coco

blue2goldenrose
blue2goldenrose's picture
Wooo, great question! That's

Wooo, great question! That's a hard one. I believe that honesty and open communication is super important to a relationship and that to be truly open with a life partner is liberating and comforting. How good is it knowing there are no secrets and nothing to hide an that someone loves you warts and all? At the same time I can totally appreciate the desire to leave your past where it belongs. That being said, I believe that you will gain only deeper respect and love from someone who obviously loves you dearly enough to be marrying you! And I believe that your love and friendship would only get stronger by sharing this information, if he truly is 'the one'. It's better to tell him now than when you are married and better to tell him before you try to start a family if that's in your life goals...

I think we think people will be disgusted and cast judgement on us if we tell them about our ED (and yes be hawk eyes over our every movement), but in finding this site, on thing I have realised is that as I read, listen and relate to people on this site, I do so only with total respect and no judgement and I don't even consider anyone as 'bulimic', just a fellow human being. I am sure that's not just because I am a recovering sufferer myself.

It is not going to be an easy discussion if you choose to share this, but I really believe it will only bring you closer together to share something so personal and emotional. I am interested to hear what you think/do as the question is very relevant for my future also.... for a second there I stopped and thought 'well yeah, do I really ever need to share this dark secret of my past with my future partner if one comes along?' I think I answered my own question :-)

'When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.'
'Whatever your mind can conceive and believe it can achieve." - Napoleon Hill
'Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.' - Jim Rohn

coco
coco's picture
Hey! Thanks a lot for your

Hey!
Thanks a lot for your answer. It's exactly those things I've been pondering about myself. Many times I was near a confession but I somehow couldn't work it out. After having told him about all the other sad stuff that has been going on in my past (= reasons for my ED or at least for clinging to it) I just couldn't add an even greater weight to the load. He knows I'm a very fuzzy eater but he is very supportive and understanding. Maybe I'll get myself comfortable with the idea of him knowing about my past one day. I know I should. But right now I'm too preoccupied with really getting over everything and trying to be a balanced person that I think I just can't manage to do it in the nearer future.
But thanks again a lot for your answer. It feels so good to have found people here who are going through similar things (although it's also sad...).

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