Recovery takes time, okay!! it has been a year and 2 months since I started here. And I keep failing. I still do binge and purge every 4 days approximately.. Does that mean I am unsuccesful, weak or is my method wrong? I forgot how to say no to an upcoming binge... There is a space where I chose what to eat. I can predict if I eat ''that'' food in that specific time, I will surely binge on it and other things. And in that space I sometimes tell myself ''no dont eat or you will start binging'' but sometimes I feel so exhausted, I feel like I have only choice, to eat it, I want it, even if I know I will binge afterwards, eating that food gives me comfort and helps me stop thinking other unwanted thoughts or sometimes I eat only to people not recognize my ED, I eat only to they not think I am dieting (actually I eat everything, only I am trying structural eating but people understand it)
I feel like I am trapped. Guys I need your help. There must be something wrong in my behaviour. I dont think I am weak or something. I dont admit it. Any words from you can be my hope.