I really thought I was making massive progress but it all feels like I have washed it away down the toilet today along with everything else.
When those urges come and I am not at home to be able to just stop, self soothe, distract (I was out after a meeting in town) I am so much more vulnerable to a binge so I go in all these shops and buy binge foods. I feel so disconnected, eating on the streets , bumping into people as I pass, I don't know who I am, I don't want to stop.
So now I feel all the days of rehydrating, giving my neck, glands, throat and stomach a break, allowing my natural gut bacteria to re-establish is all a complete waste because I have caused havoc on my body and it has to start the process all over again.
I hate this disorder, I hate me for doing this, for not being able to beat this. I hate my body, I hate how fat I am, I hate how I give into gluttony, greed, being seduced by such a primitive bodily pleasure.
I want this to go away! I have been trying so so hard.