I feel so full

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Melb
Melb's picture
I feel so full

I just ate too much food. I know that when I sit in front of the tv I loose control. Now I feel so sick but I promised myself that I wont purge, it's not going to help me! I feel so ashamed for not having any control. Will I ever be able to stop binge eating, I hate myself for doing this to my body.

MelB

FreckledPonyFlying
FreckledPonyFlying's picture
Hey Mel, Sweetheart, you're

Hey Mel, Sweetheart, you're struggling so much! Try to not to beat yourself up, please. Nothing horrible has happened. Even if you'd purge - it is nothing horrible. You will get there, it is going to be better. Now you're feeling bad, but it will get better. Remember, bulimia has an incredible power to make us think we're weak and worthless. But it is not true - it is just an illusion. You're doing amazing, tonight does not take you away from recovery. Not for a centimeter. You're there, as we all are. Together. We have to stay calm even with our bellies full (I had a binge an hour ago too). Try to rest well and eat breakfast tomorrow. And then snack. And then lunch. And then rest of your meals every 3 hours. Just this. It is really easier to eat regularly than to defeat an urge to binge or purge. This is how I see it after just 11 non b/p days and after about a week of SE. It has not been long and I am still terrified with the idea of a strong binge urge coming up. I do not know if I would be able to avoid eating if the really big urge came up ( tonight wasn't that intense). So I really respect you for being able to come here after eating and stopping yourself from purging. I now that one day it may happen to me that I will not win. And I will purge. I am trying to accept it already now, in advance. Frightened, but sticking to SE and building my trust with BHM program. It helps to trust. Sending you warm thoughts, FreckledPonyFlying

Freckled Pony Flying

Melb
Melb's picture
Thank you Freckled Pony for

Thank you Freckled Pony for your support! I just dont understand why a simple thing as just eating every 3 hours has to be so difficult. I have been worrying about Food for so many years now, that i cant even remember the feeling of not having to constantly think about food. My plan this week is to stay away from the tv when I eat. I am only going to focus on eating!

MelB

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