I just told my boyfriend I have bulimia and I wish it had gone better

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valarielouise's picture
I just told my boyfriend I have bulimia and I wish it had gone better

I have had bulimia for 12 years. I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months. I joined the program a week ago. He knows about my bulimia but I spoke about it as if it was in the past. I told him last night that I am still sick and want to recover. I felt very overwhelmed by the whole conversation. He asked lots of confronting questions like; where were you throwing up, how come you never told me - I thought we shared everything. Then he started questioning the validity of this online program. He switched into Mr Fix-It and said that I needed to see a nutritionist and get some real advice from a living person. I want him to be involved as this effects him too, I just don't know how I want him to be involved. I told him to read the e-book and read the "what to do when someone tells you they have bulimia", I also told him that my first step is SE. He thought that was just another form of dieting. I want his support but I don't want him pressuring me and bagging what I am doing. Does anyone have any advice?

lindsay6's picture
I think that it is difficult

I think that it is difficult for people to understand this sometimes. The reaction you get when you speak up can vary from over involved to indifferent. I would just try to relax with this a bit and see how it plays out. I guess you telling him freaked him out a bit so maybe he needs some to come to terms with everything.

When you are going through hell, keep going.

katzcurrent's picture
It sounds like he's just

It sounds like he's just concerned. I can imagine if I had a loved one who admitted he/she was actively alcoholic or a compulsive gambler or something, I'd also be wary about the Internet as an adequate intervention. The problem with the medical and cilnical worlds - and with the 12 step programs - is that they aren't good with eating disorders. I think eating disorders are too new in the bigger picture of things. Sure, people have always had eating disorders, but I don't think the term 'bulimia' even existed until the late 70's or early 80's. The people who started this site happened to get it right in a whole lot of ways. It's not a perfect program. In an ideal world, we'd all have adequate health insurance and a personal nutritionist and doctor and counselor who were really qualified to help. But they're few and far between. Psychotherapy made me worse, not better. I did have one eating disorder counselor specialist who was great. She was in such high demand I could only see her once a month.

In short, there aren't enough good services to go around, and this program is a Godsend because it's one of the few programs that makes people better instead of worse.

Could you see a doctor on a regular basis just to track your physical health? Then you could use bulimiahelp.org to make the behavioral changes. If I was a concerned boyfriend, I think that would be a scenario I'd be happy with. He just doesn't want you to be led astray or at risk for getting worse. He wants you to get the help you need and to be safe.

Nespresso's picture
First, amazing job opening up

First, amazing job opening up to your boyfriend. That is a very brave step to take and you should feel proud of your courage.

I would say - to help him understand that Structured Eating isn't a diet, make sure you explain very clearly that the focus of it is nothing to do with weight. Not weight loss, not weight gain, nothing. The focus is making sure your body has enough food and is nourished, to help alleviate any physical need to binge (since so often, binge urges are the result of severe restriction in a diet).

To help him be more supportive and not discourage what you are doing, I think you need to tell him how much you want his involvement and support, but that him getting aggressive or pressuring you (even if he doesn't mean to) is not helpful and will only discourage you from sharing with him in future. He also has to understand that embarking on recovery doesn't mean never binging or purging again, and that it will take time and potentially a lot of setbacks.

Message me any time if you need support!

valarielouise's picture
Thanks everyone for your

Thanks everyone for your advice and support - this really does make a difference being able to vent and have people who understand. I am going to go and see a GP who has an interest in eating disorders, I found her on the internet so fingers crossed. And yes I do think I need to be understanding that this must have come as a shock and he is just scared and wants to do anything he can to help. I will def try explaining to him about the structured eating a little more and explain it's not a diet. Thanks again!

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