I see myself differently to others

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faeriejayne
faeriejayne's picture
I see myself differently to others

I really get upset when people tell me I'm thin or beautiful. The ED says they are all lying and the ED gets so angry at them. I just get upset because I cannot see what those people can see. I see what the ED sees in the mirror. I want to accept who I am, accept things as they are. Know that I am at a weight that the dietician says not to go under and just be happy. It seems difficult. I'm so self conscious that others would see me as I do. When I walk down the street I think I hear what others are thinking of me (and they aren't nice) but I have to remember that they are my own paranoid thoughts. I walk with my head held down feeling depressed to be in the public eye. I guess I was just wondering if anyone has got past this or relates... Thanks for reading

Faerie

Skinnimini
Skinnimini's picture
I'm also with you on this. I

I'm also with you on this. I was crying last night because I truly don't feel pretty at all. I almost made my boyfriend cry too because he felt so helpless. He tells me I'm gorgeous all the time and for some reason I can't believe him. I can't believe anyone when they tell me I'm thin. I just don't see it - and it's so depressing. I'm really trying to keep my head up though and concentrate on what I do love about myself <3

xoxo

One day at a time <3

Coach Jen
Coach Jen's picture
Oh yeah, me too! Part of

Oh yeah, me too! Part of being human is seeing all your flaws and being hard on yourself. If being hard on yourself makes you feel even worse, then you are being DOUBLE hard on yourself! I am so guilty of that too!
Don't you ever have a moment EVER where you wear just the right thing and your hair looks good and you say, "hmm.. not so bad"? Try to have these moments and build on them- but more importantly, try to look inward and see the real beauty. We all know that beauty is way more than being thin or having a certain look.
All of you people on here are beautiful for supporting each other! Thanks for being my beautiful friends!

Suicide At 5mph
Suicide At 5mph's picture
This is exactly like me!

This is how I live everyday...seeing myself as differently as others do. When my mom tells me how beautiful I am or anyone else and that I'm tiny I just cry and throw a fit because I feel everyone is lying to me left and right. I get so frustrated with it and resort to my eating disorder for comfort again.

Some days when I take a glimpse of myself in the mirror I say to myself well...I don't look that bad! But then I tell myself that I'm even lying and I just fight back and forth with myself by saying to myself that what I saw for a glimpse was just a lie and I really do look horrible, ugly and fat. I HATE IT!!!!

....There is still time...I think it's a matter of just rewire our brains with positivity to tell yourself that there isn't anything wrong with you.
As frustrating as it sounds...real beauty is inside not outside but I know how hard that is too because I always feel I had to look good on the outside for EVERYONE.

I'm focusing on doing things that make me happy...that can fix my spirit...so once my spirit is healed I will start to feel better about me in turn making my beauty enhanced and shine.

Don't give up. I don't find anything wrong with you :). Keep fighting that mean old thought! Lots of hugs.

freakyblonde88
freakyblonde88's picture
yeah I'm the same... My

yeah I'm the same... My boyfriend is wonderful, and always tells me and shows me how much I mean to him, and how he thinks I'm the hottest and most beautiful thing in the world. And I try to believe that to him I am. But it's not true. And how can he feel that way when it's so not true. I'm not beautiful and not great, there are much better, and I feel that he deserves better...
I don't think people look at me and think I'm pretty, far from it...

Life is too short to not be happy

Miss H
Miss H's picture
This self-hatred or dislike

This self-hatred or dislike that we all have is so horrendous. And it's so hard to get better if we keep hating ourselves. But no matter how much I try I never really like myself. Even if I make an effort with my appearance I still feel like I look dreadful. And I don't really like my personality either. I just think I'm dull and boring. Or annoying. And not very intelligent.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

shaz513
shaz513's picture
Laughing at the good thoughts

Those little moments Jen was talkin about above, when everything seems to be in the right place, and you think, "yeah, I look ok" and there's even a smile and a wink at myself in the mirror ......... and then this morning, when there is no sign of hope anywhere and I can't even force myself to have honey in my green tea, cos i feel so disgusting, and, like Jayne said, I can hear everyones thoughts about me and they are all bad and nasty (they are in my head), but so real. And like Lanna and VPrincess said, the bf is so supportive and saying that I'm perfect and trying his best to make me realise that I'm wrong and my negative thoughts are killing me .... but why is he saying this when it just can't be true?! I feel so disgusting and I know if I let myself just eat what I want then I will end up even more disgustingly fatter than I already am, so I must control it, every teaspoon, every crumb, I must be the number on the scales that my ED wants me to see down there, I just simply must! And I know it's wrong ... and I can't stop it ... I feel like I'm crashing again.

One of my students said last week "Miss, I don't know how to say this right, but you really need to eat more, you look anorexic ... sorry, I don't know a nice way to say it."
I almost cried

faeriejayne
faeriejayne's picture
Yeah

It is hard. I have never had a look in the mirror and liked what I saw. I've loathed myself since the age of 5 or maybe even less. Most of the time, I just give up now and cover the mirror. Maybe I should look in it from time to time because It wasn't until last week someone said "you are beautiful how you are, but you really need your fringe cut" that I actually realized that I had been walking around with shaggy type hair. Then more paranoid thoughts came up and as soon as I got home, I got someone to chop my hair. It is really annoying how I never like what I see, change clothes countless times a day because everything makes me look huge and I can't find anything that would be okay. Then when I get into town I think... maybe I shouldn't have worn this, maybe that guy is thinking this... oh my god he is! And that girl is thinking that... I am so paranoid. My friends, bless them, really try and encourage me to see what they do but I just cannot. I would love to just be ok with me and not want to jump out of my own skin and run away Thank you for all your replies. I guess this is one of the biggest things I am struggling with at the moment.

freakyblonde88
freakyblonde88's picture
even a burden to "bulimia-help.org"

I feel you.. I mean my self hate has gotten to the point that I feel like a drag, a drain and a burden on everyone here on Bulimia-help when I post things, so sometimes I don't even post them. I don't wanna be a drain to everyone in my life.. And you guys here have become a big part of my life, and I feel all I have to offer is dispare and whinning... I hate it!

Life is too short to not be happy

faeriejayne
faeriejayne's picture
Hey, it's okay

I think that even though we complain at times it probably still helps others not feel so alone because maybe they were thinking like you and not wanted to say anything but when someone does they are probably like, woah, someone else feels like I do. I am rambling aren't I? Sorry. Hope you understand what I mean. Hugs for you freakyblonde88... I hope things get better for you real soon. I feel like a burden a lot of times with this too. But you offer plenty more than what you think here. Absolutely. We love ya! xox

Addicted2yogurt
Addicted2yogurt's picture
I feel sooo ugly

I feel sooo ugly sometimes...
I try to stay at home as it is possible so people won´t be scared.

Courtneyyyy14
Courtneyyyy14's picture
Beauty

So here's my beauty trick. Whether we realize it or not, it's our disease making us think we're ugly. For goodness sake addicted2yogurt you are GORGEOUS! Tonight before you go to bed say in your head "I am grateful for my beautiful ____" go through every single body part..hair, eyes, nose, skin, teeth, arms, hands, and so on. Really mean the words, and say them with power. According to the law of attraction, you will attract what you believe to be true. You are beautiful and the universe will bring beauty into your life because as you thank the universe for all of your beautiful features you are putting yourself on that same energy level with every other beautiful thing in the world. YOU DESERVE THIS, it sounds cheesy but it's worth a try!

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