I was b/p free for more than 4months and it felt soo good-- i am 19 weeks pregnant now and having a hard time

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NeverGiveUp
NeverGiveUp's picture
I was b/p free for more than 4months and it felt soo good-- i am 19 weeks pregnant now and having a hard time

I was doing so well, until that morning sickness gave me the old feeling of my bulimia self- i even forced myself to keep it down when i wsas just so sick to my stomach- but now the more i weigh the further i go in my pregnancy i feel myself allowing myself to throwup, i ever b/p's 3 times in the past week.. i am so ashamed and just need help to get back on the bandwagon -- i love my baby too much to hurt her but how is it im finding excuses to do it ; like if it was morning sickness it would be fine? omg i just need a push please

sjksus
sjksus's picture
Just remember the horror of

Just remember the horror of what it's like to be fully caught in that bulimic trap. You're going to have too many things to do and plan for leading up to the arrival of your new baby that you don't want to be worn down and exhausted by b/p. I'd say keep as consistent as you can with caloric intake. Just like when we are first in recovery and they tell us to stick to set SE times even if we've just recently b/p. Our bodies need a steady stream of nourishment. Know that your body will grow and change, but it's doing it for a fantastic reason! It's creating life. Love your body for that ability and honor it with proper nourishment. I'm sure you'll need extra calories over all while supporting the baby, so don't be scared by the amounts you eat. Maybe talk with a professional about what normal amounts of food for you should be and then do some planning around that, just to make sure you are getting enough for both you and baby. You can do it :-)

samoshka
samoshka's picture
I agree with sjksus! though I

I agree with sjksus!
though I wouldn't really trust a professional on that - the one that I saw, told me that I need to eat 1800 calories a day! which in recovery, pregnant, was definitely not enough for me.
I was bulimic throughout my first pregnancy - I gained XY kilos. I was bulimic for the first half of my second pregnancy, and in recovery for the second half (thankfully, still am!) - what do you know, I gained same XY kilos! maybe 0.5 less.. Only the second time around my belly went in faster (it didn't go in for the first time at all, and it did after the second). I was never able to lose what I gained first time (I started borderline underweight, so that's a good sign:) ). Second time I started normal, and by now (I don't weigh myself), at 4 months pp I am able to fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans!
I am totally with you on morning sickness - that was an awesome excuse! I couldn't even tell myself at times for what reason I'm purging... But at 19 weeks it should be finished, no? so no more excuses, purging is a dead end.
Sjksus is so right, you will need energy!! It's better to have recovery by your side by the time you have a baby!

NeverGiveUp
NeverGiveUp's picture
Thank you both for your kind

Thank you both for your kind words-- your so right i need to be healthy not only for me but for my baby- and its so scary how it does just pull you right in and your almost back to where you started.. its an awful feeling.. but now more.. today will not be day one again- it will be pick up from where you left off.. i can do this and just needed motivation.. it hurts to think that a baby wouldnt be enough, but no more pitty talk i can do this

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