I'd just like to discuss my thoughts around food. Surprisingly I have a lot of knowledge about nutrition and when I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, I completely changed my diet to help reduce my anxiety. At this time in my life, about five years ago I don't think I was b/p (ing). I lived really well and whether or not a consequence my OCD has never affected me to the same extent since.
Since I was very young, maybe younger than 10 my weight has always been an issue for me. I am not skinny, in fact my BMI says I am over weight, but I know that it is because I am strong. The point is, I have always felt heavy, always wanted to be smaller in build so for as long as I can remember I have always been obsessed in my weight and other people's weight - I am constantly comparing myself to others. I have become anxious about the effects of food on my health yet I have run to food for a comfort. My relationship with food is built on anxiety. Eat too much, eat too little, eat to reduce anxiety, eat, eat eat!! That seems to be all I ever think about. I make out that I am a foody, I over eat in social situations as a care free eater, I am far from that,. The funny thing is, I am heavier when b/p (ing) I know I am.
So I am left being a very confused eater. Although I have a lot of information about food in my head it doesn't do me any good when I am eating from emotions or having starved myself before - it's all just to out of control.
About eight years ago I was diagnoses with PCOS. Not a massive deal I suppose, but I began to learn about the syndrome and realised the connection between it and type 2 diabetes. I take metformin which reduces insulin levels when you eat to stop my body developing full blown diabetes. But again back to anxiety - I stuff myself with high carb, fat and sugar products instead of eating to reduce my chances of diabetes. I have also been told how I may struggle to conceive and I have not had a period for nearly a year, but instead of eating right for the future and to be able to have a baby I am b/p (ing). It's all so conflicting - I am doing the things that go against all my health worries. (Even now, writing this, I am nearly crying but thinking of binging - God help me!!! It's ridiculous, but's that's real addiction I suppose.
I reall just wanted to express my confusion, but any advice is welcome.
Good luck to you all x