Just venting...

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findingtherealme's picture
Just venting...

Well today was interesting. I haven't been on here for several months. I've been going through a lot of stress (big changes at work, a sudden death in the family and other stuff) and I took a nosedive back into using food. However, in the past week, I had made some small changes that I was a bit proud of. I was actually eating during the day! I was packing a lunch and snacks and not letting myself starve then binge when I got home. I thought this was great.

Then I went to my family doctor for my annual check up, or actually my two year check up. It was like she totally forgot that I had ED issues. I was already horrified that her assistant had weighed me but luckily the scale is in kg's and I have no concept of my weight in metric. Then one of the first things my doctor says is so you're probably trying to lose weight. Here's a sheet, let's go through it and she proceeded to list all the 'bad' and 'good' foods. She asked what I was eating and I was so pleased that I was actually eating breakfast, I started to say "English muffin..." and she cut me off and laughed and said that an English muffin is HORRIBLE, just as bad as a croissant. After she was done bashing the English muffin, I mentioned that I had problems with ED, just to remind her of the conversation we've had in the past thinking it would change her tune. Nope.

So I was feeling pretty beat up after that and I went home and sat in the house for a while instead of going right to work. I felt a bit better so I headed off to work. After work I called my mom, casually mentioned I went to the doctor and was making other conversation and then she starts in on me saying "Do any of these people you go see ever tell you to lose weight? I think you should go back to WW and are you exercising because you should be, do you ever do anything?" I made some excuse and told her I had to go and we hung up.

And then, I went to my chiropractor, waited an hour to get in to see this guy, who is usually crazy and funny and has a good energy. Anyway, I finally got in and was pleasant, trying to forget the day and as he's adjusting me he says I need to get doing something to strengthen my muscles - okay fine. He asks what kind of exercise I like and what I've done in the past and I told him I used to run. He said something along the lines of why did you stop, was it your back or was it the refrigerator tied to my a**. He doesn't know anything about my ED and he thought it was a joke, but after the day I had, I was not amused and glad my face was buried in the adjustment table.

So here I am, eating my way through my crummy day. I just needed to vent this and release it from my mind so I can let it go. I am sick of people's ignorance when it comes to food and weight issues and I'm sick of how I let people talk to me, but I still don't know how to change it.

Thanks for listening and I hope everyone had a good day towards recovery.

Hugs to all

Catherine Liberty
Catherine Liberty's picture
Hey, gosh that is a lot to

Hey, gosh that is a lot to deal with, and all in one day? You deserve a medal for even being able to talk about it, I think if those things would have happened to me at once in recovery I would have been very crushed.

You're right, people are very ignorant when it comes to food, eating disorders and weight. Sadly even doctors and medical professionals who really should know better, but I've also found they often don't.

Knowing how to change this is hard. You obviously can't change all of those people, so you have slowly learn how to stand up for yourself, and that's really hard at first.

Something that really helped me in recovery was trying to take the sadness and upset that others sometimes caused and turn it into anger, or "recovery fuel". Every day I told myself that my recovery was my number one priotity and that I would not stand for other people bringing me down. It can have a lot to do with setting boundaries.

Thinking this way I almost started to get angry when comments from other people threatened to kick me off course and that anger gave me the bravery to stand up for myself.

Standing up for yourself does not have to mean getting into a very heated debate about eating disorders or weight with people who don't really understand, it can be something as simple as refusing to take part in a destructive conversation, or leaving the room and so on.

Maybe you could think up of some things you may say/do if any situations like this arise again? Did you see the email I sent out about "toxic conversations" a few weeks ago? Some of the info in there might be helpful - you can find it in the articles section!

As for your doctor, you should report her, there is no way she should have acted like that after you reminded her of your eating disorder.

Take care lovely, I hope you're okay x x

JoBlogs's picture
What a tough day! Im thinking

What a tough day!
Im thinking of you xxx


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