Hey everyone! Well it has been a while since I first joined the BHM site and it's also been a while since I have written anything but SO much has changed. I wanted to write about the biggest miracle that has happened in my life. I have been Bulemia free and free from any shape, or form of an eating disorder now for over 9 months.
When I first joined this group I was really looking for support and to find and connect with others who were going through what I was going through. Early on I was also diagnosed with stage 5 kidney disease and began dialysis last fall. I have spend the last 9 months doing everything in my capability to fight this thing through and get my strength back. Diialysis and its wearing effects on the body really made it necessary for me to really truly and honestly commit myself to making some serious changes in my life and health.
There are so many physical challenges that I have had to overcome with the dialysis, like pain and weakness, swelling and often immobility. It can be overwhelming, but by the Grace of this all I actually ended an insane addiction and disease in my life that had been going on for over 20 years. 20 years!! And I am free. Through my focus on fighting for my health with my Kidney Disease, God gracefully saved me from myself and the disease of Bulemia which was certainly killing me in the end.
Just the other week I was talking to my therapist and I just realized that I have not had a binge, purge, or negative thought about any of that in months and months! Its like it was just taken away from me. And that is how I know that miracles happen. I spend years and years of my life trying to fight this things, over and over again and it always came back.. i always went back to it again.. and yet here I am..and food no longer consumes my life, thoughts, day, nights..anything!
its insane to think that eating, binging, purging, sneaking, lying, all of these things used to be part of my world..all the time.. and now i am free of it all. I can actually eat and enjoy food, and stop when Im full. I can have ice cream, and not worry about what it ill do to me. My body has relearned to deal with food, and digest properly.. and I even know when I am hungry now. Its wonderful.
This site has helped me so much jump start my recovery and gave me so many useful tools that I am still using today. I really hope that if your out there and just getting started or having questions that you will reach out to me and let me tell you that full recovery is possible!!!!! Ive gained about 15 pounds since I started and feel so much better. My lab work all looks good now, when dr.'s draw my blood, I am no longer anemic, my potassium is great..everything has changed. My BMI was only 16% when I started and now it is at an 18.7%..which is great because i will be able to get on the transplant list now for a new kidney.
Be strong! Keep the faith, you are beautiful and you deserve your best self!