How are we supposed to live in this world when our minds fill us with urges, self-hatred, resentment, pain, hurt and FEAR. With an eating disorder, a sick mind, are we really living at all?
My mind has been consumed with food (what to eat, how to eat, how much to eat, when to eat, food plans, pills, books...) for over 10 years and somehow I graduated university, teacher's college, I have a career, I have loads of friends, a wonderful family, incredible furry daughters, and a loving husband. So yes, we can have a life, but how mindful are we while living the life? I look back on those 10 years and it is one big fog, how I got through them is beyond me, how I kept relationships and friendships (I did lose many) is beyond me, how my heart is still beating, beyond me.
There was a period of time earlier on in the 10 years where I shut myself in my house with food. I didn't want to go out with friends, I hated myself, I wanted out. I needed help, I wanted help, I didn't let HELP help me. Social occasions, holidays = burdens, fearful events where I just may give in to my urges or let myself go. I feared fear, I feared LIFE. So was I really living? I certainly was not mindful, I was never living in the present moment. If we live in regret of the past or in fear of the future are we actually living at all? I don't think so.
I am on this site to learn how to LIVE. To BE in the present, to work with my fears instead of give in to them, and to gain love and respect for myself. I need you, I need your support, people need people. I could not heal alone with food. I could not heal myself with my own thoughts. I need to reach out, I need to accept hands that reach out to me. We can do this together. We deserve to live!
Today I am taking myself out of my comfort zone, I am going to live. I am going to visit two great friends, bring my lunch packed and my furry girls and live in the moment, appreciate the laughter and the joy, I am going to LIVE.
Wishing you all a day full of peace, mindfulness, and LIFE!