low confidence

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smileyface
smileyface's picture
low confidence

Hi. I've been struggling with bulimia for almost two years now. My ED began when I was 17 and gradually fell into anorexia. I did not even realize that I was anorexic for three years, despite various people hinting to me, and doctors even telling me that I NEEDED to gain weight. so i did, slowly. but in order to gain weight, i began binging. the binging led to me feeling disgusted with myself. after about a year of binging secretly at night, i began purging. but now the purging has increased to about 3 times per day. I am currently 21 years old (almost 22). I am the heaviest I've ever been, and I feel terrible about myself. My body image is not good. At all. I feel so fat and keep having to purchase new clothes. I was used to being the skinny, long-legged girl growing up, but now I blend in as an "average," pudgy college girl. I know that I am beautiful on the inside, and that I still look fine on the outside, but I do not feel beautiful, or even slightly attractive/desirable. I need some confidence. But because I lack in confidence, I continue to binge, and then purge to get everything out of me...to "cancel out" the binge. I know that this is actually causing me to gain weight, but I can't seem to actually trust that fact, especially when I am the b/p zone. Any suggestions/advice???

AlexLilyFlower
AlexLilyFlower's picture
I feel your pain. I think

I feel your pain. I think most of us here have at some point been very thin and its hard to come to terms with the way our body changes due to Bulimia. i have a very bad body image after my weight gain. And am trying to work on this. Are you trying Structured eating? Its important to feed your body enough in order to stop binging. There is a book I can highly recommend called 'Brain over Binge'. It has been very helpful to a lot of us here. If we manage to overcome binge eating and have a normal eating pattern then I think out weight will even out eventually. Try to remember that others will not be seeing you the way you feel about yourself, its all part of this ED.I hope you feel better soon.

a.l.s

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