Mia - part of our self identity?

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katya.happy.future
katya.happy.future's picture
Mia - part of our self identity?

When you are thinking about who you are, do you think about your self as a mia person? Is body image = self image? Who are you without bulimia? Do you like your self as for who you are?....

freakyblonde88
freakyblonde88's picture
INteresting question.. I

INteresting question.. I don't really know who I am, that is one thing that scares me through recovery.. How/who will I be after ED is gone...?

It's scary but I also wanna find out. I think without ED I might just be a happy person... :-)

Life is too short to not be happy

Gg 86
Gg 86's picture
I sadly look at bulimia as a

I sadly look at bulimia as a part of me. I think to myself sometimes "I'm a vegan bulimic runner", wtf, how contradictory is that? But I know that eventually I will be able to just identify myself as a vegan runner, the 2 things I feel identify me most. I'm looking forward to that day! Right now, both of those parts of me have been tainted and twisted into my eating disorder, and I hate it.

My bulimia is not just about self-image. I am realizing with the help of my psychologist that I have real dependency issues, that I cling on to things in an obsessive way and don't want to let go because I'm afraid of being totally alone. In the past, I've clung to alcohol, weed, and bad boyfriends to feel complete. Now it's just the bulimia...and trying to date is very stressful because I don't want to feel ok just because I have a guy that I am emotionally dependent on. I need to feel complete and happy totally alone, with no boyfriend and no eating disorder. Thinking about that petrifies me though :/

"Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow."

TearsOfaFallenAngel
TearsOfaFallenAngel's picture
A few times i feel i'm close

A few times i feel i'm close to beating this then i find myself terrified. I think that i will be no one without her and i'll be alone, it's almost as if i'm losing a loved on even though i hate Mia i can't deny she is almost ink'd into my soul. All i feel is hatered towards Mia but at the same time love her dearly (so sad but it's true). I to be honest just want to get out of THIS mind set of loving her and start to hate her and THEN start to recover cause i know my ED will never go away with me being emotionally attatched to her.

Be your own best friend and don’t forget to wink at yourself now and then.

TearsOfaFallenAngel
TearsOfaFallenAngel's picture
Oh my gosh i just talked

Oh my gosh i just talked about it as if it was a person!

Be your own best friend and don’t forget to wink at yourself now and then.

Gg 86
Gg 86's picture
@AintNoOtherGirl: I totally

@AintNoOtherGirl: I totally look at my eating disorder as a person too...but I look at it as a guy. As a bad boyfriend that I can't seem to get over. It's interesting how differently people see their ED's, eh?

"Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow."

TearsOfaFallenAngel
TearsOfaFallenAngel's picture
@Gg 86 I see it as a big

@Gg 86
I see it as a big sister like figure X/x i know it is strange how people conjure up the same thing in they're heads so differently.

Be your own best friend and don’t forget to wink at yourself now and then.

TearsOfaFallenAngel
TearsOfaFallenAngel's picture
This is what i feel about

This is what i feel about Mia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRLXy5x_LXA

What do you do when you know something's bad for you
And you still can't let go?

I was naïve
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping

Got caught in your web
And I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely

Oh and it hurts my soul
Cuz I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cuz I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I need to get away from ya
I need to walk away from ya
Get away, walk away, walk away

I should have known
I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smoke
It was all an illusion

Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds)
But the venom seems deeper (deeper, deeper)
We both can seduce
But darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner)

I'm about to break
I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure
and I'm feigning for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need oh

I can't mend
This torn state I'm in
Getting nothing in return
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I need to get away from ya
I need to walk away from ya

Everytime I try to gasp for air
I am smothered in despair it's never over, over
Seems I'll never wake from this nightmare
I let out a silent prayer, let it be over, over

Inside I'm screaming
Begging, pleading
No more
Ah ah

I don't know what to do
My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each beat reminds me of you

Oh it hurts my soul
Cuz I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cuz I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need oh

I'm about to break
I cant stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure
And I'm feigning for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need oh

I can't mend
This torn state I'm in
Getting nothing in return
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I need to get away from ya
I need to walk away from ya

Only thing I need to do is walk away from you

Be your own best friend and don’t forget to wink at yourself now and then.

ErinKathleen
ErinKathleen's picture
Wow, that song really does

Wow, that song really does sum up how I have always felt about bulimia. xoxo

You can not be free of anything you have not loved.

Miss H
Miss H's picture
i think it's really important

i think it's really important to detach yourself from having bulimia as part of your personality... it's good to get a diagnosis at first because it makes us take it more seriously... but using it to define yourself is in some way holding onto it. and actually we need to get rid of it.
i would now say that i am recovering from bulimia.

in medicine we do loads of work on stigma, and they say that it is important not to use a word to define a person. such as she is diabetic or eplieptic or bulimic. instead she is suffering from diabetes, or epilepsy or bulimia.

zaphia
zaphia's picture
This is so true... "Bulimia"

This is so true... "Bulimia" has started to define me. When I get home in the evenings I want to b/p. Sometimes it feels like the only company I have :-/ I feel lonely if am not b/ping in the evenings.

anonmy
anonmy's picture
i do well with my recovery

i do well with my recovery for 2-5 days and then I start to feel good and then I binge, Not because I want to or I am so out of control or I am craving those foods. Its because I am used to being in bulimia mode. Its horrible! I wish I could live outside bulimia zone.........

katya.happy.future
katya.happy.future's picture
Thank you for your comments !

Thank you for your comments !

I found that there are like two of me. One that is me and the other is Mia...All in one. Hope this is not triggering ...Mia or rather junk food gives a satisfaction or high from food. I am not interested what so ever in drugs or alcohol so why is it so difficult to stop craving sugary or junk food?

AintNoOtherGirl song is what we need to do..just stop it and stop think about it and move on

sounds easy......

xxx

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"

TearsOfaFallenAngel
TearsOfaFallenAngel's picture
Defo, thats song is what i

Defo, thats song is what i turn to when i feel desperate. X/x

Be your own best friend and don’t forget to wink at yourself now and then.

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