Newbie looking for support pals/friends

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bubbles86
bubbles86's picture
Newbie looking for support pals/friends

Hello everyone...I'm Kate and today is my first day here.
I have been bulimic for almost ten years. I have suffered from this horrible illness to varying degrees over the years and at points it has nearly broken me mentally, physically and emotionally. I hate the person this has made me become and the lies it has caused me to tell in order to keep it secret. My family are aware for the past 3 years and have tried to help. I have once confided in a doctor and once in a therapist...however after several months of CBT I found little relief. I am finally ready to face my fears and embark on a massive new chapter of my life...a life free of bulimia.
I have no doubt that this will be one of the hardest journeys I have embarked on to date however it is one I am determined to succeed at, one step and one day at a time. I am sure that there will be extremely tough and testing times along this journey but I know this is what I want and am excited for a life that is free of secrecy and lies, cycles of starving, binging and purging, guilt and self-hating.
I am scared as I only vaguely remember what life was like before my ED....at 26 I have wasted almost half of my life being bulimic and old habits die hard...despite this I am excited to discover a life free of bulimia. With positivity, perseverance and hope I can and will succeed xxx

becsyboodle
becsyboodle's picture
Welcome Hun! I too like you

Welcome Hun! I too like you have recently decided to take on bulimia head first. Personally I found reading the BRM handbook super helpful, it really helps break down bulimia and makes you feel like you not 'crazy'. I've also tried CBT and like you didn't find it all that helpful so after googling bulimia help, It brought me to here.

Recovery is not easy and like you said old habits die hard, but it is 100% worth the fight. Bulimia steals your life away, and I can totally relate to that and to feeling like your not really sure who you are anymore as you have been 'bulimia' for so long. I guess recovery is going to be a journey of self discovery with ups and downs, but I know I'd rather endure an unstable road then stay in a miserable life. I've added a few people as friends on here, and had really good support when posting on the forums, it's nice to have a place to come and vent where people are in the same boat, so I encourage you to do the same, if you need added support

Anyways I wish you all the best on your recovery. And if you ever need a chat etc just message me xx

Take care Bec x

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"

ElleMarie
ElleMarie's picture
Welcome Kate! It's so great

Welcome Kate! It's so great that you are taking that big step to come and face this illness head on. I am 25 and also have battled bulimia for 10 years but there is HOPE. I shared my story with Becs (on the MindBinges' Forum) if you would like to take a look. All I can say is the best step is being sick of the disorder and calling yourself out on it - because that is when true recovery can start to happen. Once you have finally had it and truly truly want to get better you'll do anything for it. I know that's what made me want to go to rehab a couple of years ago - and things were so great until I lost my mother and then I relapsed (for obvious reasons). Life is hard and bulimia helped me cope with so much of my anxiety and stress that it's all I depended on to deal with stress, anxiety, and all the triggers in my life. I literally could not handle life without bulimia - so I totally understand where you are coming from. I could not imagine a life without my eating disorder it seemed as though that was impossible to even picture. However, once getting the true help I needed and so desperately sought after I got to know what life was like without ED and it made me so happy to know & discover who I was without my eating disorder. My eating disorder had me believe that my life was just going to be binging, purging, drinking, lying, and living a mundane life. Did I want that? No, but it seemed like the only option. That's until I had enough. I wanted the help and I got it. It's an internal battle everyday and no one understands unless you are literally going through the exact same situation. People try to help but they cannot understand unless they have gone through our irrational though processes. What it all comes down to for me was fear. Finally after 2 treatments and two relapses I am doing this again on my own because I have to because I want to live, and I want to live a life that's full not one that's dictated to me through my disorder. You are only 26 that's the beauty of it and you're seeking help now you still have your whole life ahead of you if you kick this NOW! You're eating disorder is trying to tell you that you're 26 and you wasted your life blah blah but in reality you're getting help you want to get better that's a miracle in and of itself. For 38 days now I have been bulimia free and it's hard as hell but I know it's worth it because I'd rather go through this hell of recovery than the hell of bulimia (which is a lot worse both emotionally and physically). I have to feel my feelings, and deal with my triggers and no longer use the crutch that pretended to be "the best friend" for me that was abusive. I have faith in you. I hope this helped - just remember everyone is different and just joining the site shows how much you love yourself - which is a step in the right direction. People go their whole lives living in denial with addiction. Facing it and dealing with it is the best first step!
Congrats!
xoxoox

ivalua2
ivalua2's picture
Hello Kate! I am also new and

Hello Kate!
I am also new and the hardest part is to get started. We can exchange phone numbers if you want and send us our meals and snacks and encourage us to not binge at night when it is most tempting. Because a binge free day is the happiet you will ever feel.
We can beat bulimia!

Love,
Ivalu
0051 949702003
ivalua2@hotmail.com

bubbles86
bubbles86's picture
Wow sorry I'm only seeing

Wow sorry I'm only seeing these old replies now!!! Is there a notification facility where you can be informed when people post replies? Thank you all so much for your words of live support and encouragement I am doing quite well have had my first clean week and am already seeing the benefits of SE and have gotten a taste for what life free of b/ping is like and boy do I like it! Here's to getting our lives and our health back :-) love and hugs chickies xxx

donutseeds
donutseeds's picture
I sent you a friend request,

I sent you a friend request, Kate. I've been bulimic for almost 12 years and have truly wasted so much of my life. You can do this!

bubbles86
bubbles86's picture
Thanks so much just accepted

Thanks so much just accepted the friend request :-) hope you had good weekend

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