Oh hey...

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bamchickachicka
bamchickachicka's picture
Oh hey...

Welp....I have had the worst year every I wanted to get active on this site...but I will be honest. The eating every three hours....is hell for me. It makes me CONSTANTLY think about food.
So am I even still allowed? I need to reach out. And it helps to talk about stuff. But the eating every three hours. I mean. I became OBSESSED with food. More obsessed than when I dieted.

So since I was a wee little lad, every time I felt bad (and yes I was a chunky monkey, so naturally I was self conscious.....) I've ALWAYS been a visual person (I...well my goal is to go to CalArts...harder to get into than Harvard...it's nicknamed Pixar School) So I always studied people....and once you realize...oh hey...you are....a chunky kid (what would you expect from somebody who stuffs chocolate chips in their pockets...) you feel worse and worse.....

ANYWAYS-every time I felt bad or sad....or even those little snippets where you just aren't happy. I would eat. and eat...then it got so bad that 3 years ago, it just got so painful. I'd have a MAJOR episode 2-3 times every day and the next day I would literally be on the couch, in severe pain. So..I was finally able to...yeah...
And I get SO annoyed by all of the stupid people on the internet who make it into this glamorous thing like (oh it makes you skinny...but oooops...it's a little gross)
(seriously even just ranting about it....I might....put this glass of wine down and drink some tea instead.......WE'LL SEE.)

Bahhhh. I moved in with my grandmother, as her caretaker...and that was just...bad news bears. I basically completely ignored everyone. So I got more lonely.
I've just started really reaching out. I've lost a lot of friends, but I know who my real friends are....so that's good I guess......
I don't know. I'm moving out of this house...back to my parents. I want them (and they are VERY willing and very supportive) to basically by single portion size things...like we can have as many snicker ice cream bars as needed...but it's just my folks....so I want everything counted. I don't know if this is a good idea. But I WILL NOT do anything if I know people will know...is this smart??
Has anybody else found that the eating every 3 hours just...doesn't work for them? I'm not saying it's bad at all. Geneen Roth's method, which a lot of people swear by, didn't work for me...and I tried it for a LONG time.

Oh. And not going to lie. So I've sort of developed a problem with drinking. Mainly I just want to feel...better? I have trouble getting into EVERYTHING....so...yeah...but the problem is when you drink...inhibitions lowered. So much more likely to have a binge...bahhhh.

bamchickachicka
bamchickachicka's picture
And weird question. I DO

And weird question. I DO think this is relevant, because in some ways it shows what the form of your disorder is like....BUT. I had a FEW b/p free times in the past three years....I literally was NOT dieting. My goal was to NOT purge. But I lost like...a LOT. When I have bad days I'll typically gain .5-1 a day...but on non bad days I eat pretty normally. When I try to only eat what I want when hungry..I end up WAY undereating...and from when I have dieted...I know that's not good...I just...when I'm in normal mood. I love life. I enjoy a lot of things. I take interest in my goals, hobbies, and friends.... But when I go into urge mood. Well I would rather root around in the outside garbage for 2 day old raw meat.....(which I found and got ACTUALLY sick......that was....not fun...)

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