overcoming Ed

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Lanna
Lanna's picture
overcoming Ed

I havent been on here in quite a while, and I know see that thats because I was trying to ignore the bulimia thinking it would just go away. Hoping it would just go away. Anyway, that totally didnt happen as I'm sure you would imagine. I'm in University now and bulimia is just taking over. It's taken over every aspect of me, and every aspect of my life. I've been into treatment and sought help so many times its exhausting. And nothing thus far has worked. I'm just praying for peace in my mind. But most days now I fight, with everyhting I've got. I fight the urge to binge, and I fight the wrecking desire to purge. But there are starting to be more and more days that I am winning. My own voice is stronger than Ed's (Eating Disorder's name) more and more so its pretty important to just keep fighting. Ed screams at me, scratches at my brain begging me to 'play' with him. But I;ve got to remember that tomorow is not going to go away. Tomorrow will come and I will have to face it, so mise well start the fight before it gets too bloody. Does this make any sense?

Anyway, I'm back and looking to this group once again to help me stay strong. Keep fighting everyone, because its worth it. and frankly, i dont feel like i ahve a choice.

Lizzie20
Lizzie20's picture
Hi, i just wanted to say

Hi, i just wanted to say reading this has been so encouraging for me! i feel like i've had so much help and so many resources placed on me, but nothing has helped! but that you are having more days with victories it gives me hope that i will get there, that it's not always going to be such a battle :) even at the times where it does just seem to take over.
my long way of saying thanks for the post! x

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible." - Charles Caleb Colton

Lanna
Lanna's picture
Hey Lizzie, I'm stoked that

Hey Lizzie, I'm stoked that my words connected with you. I can't lie, I often feel that I'm completely alone and nobody could possibly understand the choas and everything thats going on, but hearing from you makes it just a little less lonely :)

I'd like to say that I started to learn that I didnt agree with a lot of aspects of 'treatment' and that things were just not working for me. I was really, very upset about that. I was so sad and angry, and some days I still am. But I've often got the mind set now that if it doesnt feel like anyone else is really helping then i better damn well fight with every single thing in me and never give in to what i want to do or my impulses. I dont really think anyone can help me to be honest so I have got to try and help myself.
It may be discouraging, but I think that we have to have that mentality if we beleive treatement hasnt helped us.

If you wanna chat or anything, I'm here

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