Persevering despite lack of support...

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findingtherealme
findingtherealme's picture
Persevering despite lack of support...

I still have pieces of the diet mentality in my head. I am 14 days binge free and my last purge was sometime before that, I can't totally remember. I have been feeling really good about not bingeing and I feel better mentality and physically. I may be restricting a little too much because I get quite hungry before snacks and meals but overall, this is an improvement from where I was.

But this morning, I put on some pants I haven't worn in a while and I was expecting to see some big changes and there weren't any. I also weighed myself a couple times last week and I still have the stupid numbers in my head. I have people in my life who are very weight focused and I'm not the size they think I should be so I hear about that ALL THE TIME. Some of them don’t even believe that I have an eating disorder (hey, aren't we all good at hiding it??) and they think that all I need to do is go on a diet.

This is all so discouraging when I know I have been making some progress and I know this is what is going to lead me to recovery once and for all. Today I felt stressed and frustrated and it almost lead me to a binge which was very shocking for me. I thought that after going this long without b/p, there was no way I would ever fall back into that old lifestyle. And yet, there is was staring me in the face once again.

Admitting this to the people in my life and them dismissing it like it's not true feels like such a slap in the face. It's no wonder I close myself off from people and choose not to share much about my life with anyone. It always comes back to hurt me in the end. I have to figure out how to not let their comments affect me and more importantly, how whatever happens, does not lead me back to b/p. I was feeling pretty good until today and now I feel as hopeless as I did before I found this program.

This will seem silly probably but today I also gave away some nearly new clothes that I haven't been able to wear for a really long time. I gave them to someone who will wear them and take good care of them and give them back to me whenever I want. I thought it was better they were being worn instead of sitting in my closet. But it was so sad to give away such nice things and me not being able to use something that's mine.

bedelicious
bedelicious's picture
First of all, congratulations

First of all, congratulations for being on day 14! That is HUGE, in my book.

But 14 days probabaly isnt long enough to see MAJOR improvements physically just yet. Dont sweat it though, as long as you stay strong you will get there. :)

Im so sorry to hear that the people around you are unsupportive. Its difficult for those whove never had an ED to completely understand what its like,and because of the misunderstandings people might unintentionally make hurtful comments. Have you tried explaining to them exactly what kind of support you wish to receive from them? (no comments about weight, diet, etc.)

I think its wondeful that you gave away your clothes! I am also guilty of keeping clothes that I want to but NEVER wear just because im insecure. I feel bad about having spent so much money on the things I never use, so anything to ease the guilt. :)

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Just keep going, no matter what.

freakyblonde88
freakyblonde88's picture
Good for you for going 14

Good for you for going 14 days and giving away the clothes... I went through an emotional clothes period a few weeks ago as well.. Tried on all my summer clothes from last summer, some things I bought at the end of summer, and since I was my thinnest then, so happy to have these small clothes, I didn't fit them anymore, Very emotional, but I gave them to my sister in law, who fits them all perfectly and looks so cute in them, she's a tiny 15yr old, I'm a bigger build 23yr old.. Makes sense that they don't fit me right?

Proud of you, I know how hard it can be,

Life is too short to not be happy

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