physical contact

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ellebee3's picture
physical contact

why won't i let anyone touch me?
i don't even like my mom to hug me or kiss me on the forehead.
i had a boyfriend for almost a year in highschool and i never wanted to just cuddle with him and i've always hated holding hands or and affection in public. it makes me feel DISGUSTING and makes me disgusted with them as well.
i can only assume this also has something to do with the self-loathing tendencies that make me overeat and then beat myself up about it.
but i don't exactly understand the relation. i've hated being sappy in public for as long as i can remember, but then again, same goes for hating my body. i don't remember which came first. and i certainly don't know why.
does anyone else feel this way and have any ideas where it came from??

ladeedah's picture
I also get all antsy when

I also get all antsy when people have their hands on me for too long or grab me around the waist..i always feel that they are disgusted by my fat..i m sooooo self conscuious!

anna999's picture
i recently hit my worst and

i recently hit my worst and when i woould break down, my mom would hug me and i would cringe and cry harder. i tried to squirm out of my own skin. i'd say its self loathing.

greeneyes's picture
i hate it when my mom wraps

i hate it when my mom wraps her arms around my waits it makes me feel big and disgusting.

DollyPOP's picture
I was like this for a very

I was like this for a very long time, then I got myself into an affectionate girly friendship group lol, so we hug and stuff and I Have a french freidn, who, no joke, kisses on the cheek, so I'm getting better but if someones too close I shut off. I think it's about a lack of self love and not even letting others love you, or show it. And I hate being touched because of how fat I feel.

MeganMaryEllen's picture
i also feel digusting when

i also feel digusting when someone touches me around the waist etc even if its just someone sitting next to me in a lecture and they dont even mean to do it!!

H.O.P.E. - Hold On Pain Ends.

shon_michelle's picture
I didn't know that others felt this way

. It I thought it stemed back to being abused when I was little.

It is probably going to sound weird, but I binge on physical touch. I will go a long time not wanting hugs. Many of my family and friends are very huggy. I couldn't tell them I didn't want to hug them and would feel mean if I pulled away. I would make me feel gross, but I would make myself endure by telling myself it would be over soon. But then I would have times where I need everyone to hug me or hold me or more. Then feeling guilty I go back to not letting anyone touch me again. I am a freak.


ellebee3's picture
i don't want you to feel that way!

from what i can tell, this isn't your fault. it isn't your fault your brain works this way, and even if you feel like a freak, please know that you don't seem that way to the rest of the world. at least not me, or probably anyone on this site.
my friends make jokes about how i'm incapable of receiving hugs. they know i slept with my old boyfriend, but they've seen me blatantly refuse to hold his hand. in my head, that's more personal, i guess. i can see that they don't think it's normal, but they don't think it's peculiar enough to make a huge deal about it, or they wouldn't make little jokes. it's a little scary that they noticed it, but the fact that they can laugh about it gives me perspective.
and i've always known i haven't been alone in these feelings, because my best friend from high school has also dealt with various eating disorders, and has never been able to maintain a relationship because she is disgusted by sincere emotions.
so what i'm trying to say is, even if the majority of the population isn't this way, know that you certainly aren't alone, and i hope this site can help you in discovering that, and therefore in recovery! best of luck!

laurennw's picture
i feel better knowing that

im not the only one who feels like this! i never knew that so many people had the same aversion to touchy feely

izabella's picture
Hate being touched

I also hate being touched - it feels so wrong but I'm totally unable to say no which makes me hate myself and my body even more.

kachina's picture
i'm def. hearing this- have

i'm def. hearing this- have had problems with this, esp. if someone hugs me when i'm having a breakdown. sometimes i don't want to be touched for long periods and dislike it when someone grabs me aggressively.

angie's picture

When I am I get really quit, and cant talk to people that easily, and am irritable and not very social. I also kinda stop thinking its like something else takes over and is like keep eating what else... okay just go puke, its not like u can taste anything anyways. But you not liking being touched might be similar to me not liking being talked to


Addicted2yogurt's picture
Also Affraid

I think I´m also affraid of physical contact!!! I been such a long time that I just don´t touch a girl...
I´m always avoiding girls!! when they try to approach.. I don´t feel comfortable at all. I used to be such a lovely and charming guy ...

I don´t even recognize myself...

Coach Jen
Coach Jen's picture
I hear you all on this one! I

I hear you all on this one! I worked with a bunch of girls who knew not to hug me. It was sort of a running joke "Jen doesn't hug, she loves you, but she won't hug you". And my new job, my recovery, my boyfriend- I don't know, several factors have allowed me to hug more. If someone else initiates, I can usually follow through with the hug.
Don't get me wrong, its still awkward and uncomfortable for me sometimes, but I have made a little progress in the hug department!
I mentor a girl who is 11 and never hugs either, so between the two of us we will never ever hug each other, but I want to so badly sometimes. She really needs it, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable.
A funny thing though, in my family they made fun of my "One arm, butt-out hug" If you can picture that hug, sort of sideways and avoiding much contact, that was my signature hug! I'm much better now, but its something people have taken very lightly and poked fun at me for. I know it is a problem when we can't be physically close with others, but maybe it actually helped that people called it to my attention and made it a joke instead of feeling like I was a freak.

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