Recovery reached. I am free.

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Runnermom
Runnermom's picture
Recovery reached. I am free.

Today, I find myself free. For the past 4 months, I have started to live my life and be present with my family, friends, and self. I found myself in a state of disbelief that I could ever change, and break the cycle of what had become a terrible habit. I wonder how many people that are struggling with this what seems like a 'psychological' issue, when if they read the science behind your lower and higher brain -- would be blown away that the real you is nothing tied to the eating disorder. The brain's will power and strength is the most difficult thing to understand when it comes to bulimia. Bulimia's cycle leads to a pattern of addiction, and hence, the exhaustion you feel makes you feel like you're in a state of depression, brokeness, and hopelessness of ever being able to have the energy to change. Your mind warps around the dependency of habit. I can't say it enough, but I never realized that the bulimia wasn't a coping mechanism -- it was the mechanism that caused me to feel like I couldn't cope. It is the primitive part of your brain reaching out and asking you to feed yourself to quite those urges. Once you slowly feed those urges, you quiet them, day by day --until one day, you never hear from them again. Every day is another day to feel empowered in the fact that you are one with yourself, and not battling with those internal voices pulling you back.

Choose to be free by interlocking yourself with who you really are -- you are not sick, you are not broken, you simply just need to quiet the urges with constant attention to quiet them. The power is in your hands, take it back by taking that first step. I started with fruit, then veggies, and foods that didn't make me feel nervous. Eat often, and not too much. You keep control by NOT restricting. Restricting causes the cycle to kick in. Beat that into your brain. Restricting IS the problem.

You are stronger than you ever could imagine. I believe in you. Holly

"be the change that want to see in the world" - Gandhi

Angel333
Angel333's picture
Well done im glad your at the

Well done im glad your at the stage you can finally call yourself RECOVERED. :)
I have been on this site a year and a half and remember yu and a few of your posts/blogs from month back and im so glad your in a happy place. Im still struggling although massive improvement from when I first joined this site and im feeling optimistic that yes recovery can and will be done for me to. And posts like this one inspire me to keep going.

All the best xxx

'We are each of us angels with only one wing, so we can only fly by embracing each other'

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