Sad, confused, and lonely.. Advice?

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jahoha133
jahoha133's picture
Sad, confused, and lonely.. Advice?

So, I have this friend and she's 36... I'm 18.... And we've been friends for a while, but her daughter is friends with my sister and they're 14 years old, and I feel bad lately because her daughter gets jealous sometimes because she talks to me more than her sometimes... But what she doesn't know is that we talk about her most of the time.

And also, lately I feel really bad for my friend because she has enough to deal with, and then I have my eating disorder that she's trying to deal with. I don't want her to have to deal with it, but she talks about it a lot but only because she wants me better...

I always become friends with people in their 30s and I think it's because my mom and I never had a good relationship and I just get along better with older people... But I feel bad lately because I'm really not doing so well.. I mean I was, but then I completely went the other way, and I feel like if I just let her go and told her to give us some space for a while, maybe she'd be better off without me. For one, she wouldn't have to deal with me anymore, (which she says she won't leave me anyway), and two, maybe her daughter wouldn't be so jealous and they could have more time to each other, and 3, I just think she'd be better off... And I feel bad that our age difference is so big. I mean, is that weird or what? I guess I figured it was normal, cause that's how it's always been for me... But honestly.. I'm just STUCK!!

Any advice please? I mean, I kinda already told her to justlet it be for a few days and see how it goes,but she took it as a message from me saying that she sucked or something.. so idk..

*jax*

myvenus
myvenus's picture
Firstly, I'm the same, my

Firstly, I'm the same, my friends are always older than me by varying amounts (I'm 25). My mum used to say that I have an old soul, maybe that's what it is.

I like the sound of your friend, good, genuine friends are hard to come by, so hold onto her. Try and put yourself in her shoes. If you had a friend in distress you wouldn't just dump them would you? You'd want to help. You take the bad times along with the good, that's the way friendship works.

Bulimia makes us withdrawn and isolated enough as it is. Obviously I don't know the details of your situation, but from what you've said, my advice would be to hold onto her, appreciate her and accept her love. The time will come when you can reciprocate and you wouldn't feel that she was a burden would you?

Good luck, hang in there.

jahoha133
jahoha133's picture
wow...

Wow.. Honestly, I've never really thought of it that way! And your words are inspiring to me! I guess I just feel bad sometimes. I mean, I know that I help her out a lot, but her issues aren't the same. Well, some are, but she's not bulimic or anything. I guess I just feel bad because she tries so hard, but I'm just not getting better and I think she blames herself sometimes. But you're right, she really is a genuine, sweet, caring person. One of my only friends that has been there for me at all times, and has seen me at my lowest. She always knows what to say. And sometimes I'm afraid she'll leave me if I get too bad. Idk.

I guess i just need to hold onto her like you said. I just hope I don't hurt her, you know? I only want the best for her. And Idk what that is and I'm trying to find out what that is, you know? And you're right, I've never felt like she was a burden when she has come to me when she was upset, and I'll never consider her a burden!! I love her like my best friend....

Thank you soooo much for your comment! It really is an eye-opener for me!

xx

*jax*

jennagon
jennagon's picture
Hmm. I need adivse too.

My thoughts are the same when it comes to the "space thing." I finially decided to tell my boyfriend about my disorder because it was affecting our relationship. I am very frustrated all the time, and i get angry over stupid reasons, and I am just sad all the time because I feel I have no control. I was fine for 4 years. I started exercings and eating good about a year ago and I lost weight. I was perfect. I have not been throwing up for over 4 years as i said. But then, 2 months ago. I just started all of a sudden. I dont know if it was the stress from school that made me relasp again, but the matter is I relasped and it has been progressively getting worse seen then.

I need my bf as support, but he has left out of town the same day I told him. He had to go with his best friend because his best friend's dad is in critical condition and might not make it. : ( I know his friend needs him more than ever right now, but I poured my heart out and got the guts to tell him why i have been so sad and easily frustrated. I need his support. I want him to give me some support, but at the same time, I dont want to be an added stress. I want to push him away because he should not have to deal with this. Should not have to deal with me. Maybe he thinks i am pathethic. SEE, i am doing it again. I am thinking negative and jumping to conclusions. I dont want to be a stress. I want to get better. He really does love me and care for me. But he also has not called me since I told him. He texted me once saying his phone does not have signal. And now if I try to call, his phone is off OR out of battery.

jahoha133
jahoha133's picture
hmm...

See, that's the SAME WAY I AM! Wen it comes to my friend, I just push her away sometimes because I don't want to be an added stress, but then right when I push her away, I want her back. Weird right? Idk. I'm pretty sure it's the eating disorder talking. And I feel bad cause I really do push her away, then I apologize and tell her I was stupid.. Then I do it again, and again!

I had a boyfriend for a long time while I was bulimic. He was so understanding and supportive and I felt bad and felt like I didn't deserve him. Like he deserved someone better who wasn't so messed up, you know? But then I had to go to treatment for a few months and I told him I just wanted a break to focus on myself until I got back.. But then I came back and he cheated on me like 2 or 3 times! I was heartbroken... So I never had a bf after that and that was over a year ago.

But honestly, with your bf... Because he's known about your ED, I really think that since he has already known about it, he has to know that it won't 'go away' forever... I think that he knows you will have to deal with it, and I think he will continue to be supportive! I mean, he likes you for you, not what you have to go through, you know what I mean?

Tell me how everything goes, and I hope I could help some.. Good Luck!

xx

*jax*

myvenus
myvenus's picture
I'm glad I could

I'm glad I could help!

Friendships can be tough sometimes, but the ones worth keeping are worth toughing it out for :-) I have every confidence that it'll work out for you. Take care and go with it!

evee
evee's picture
friends

I have this really good friend. She know about my problem...sometime I think she's had some times with b/p too. Anyway I shared the struggles I've been having with her lately and she said something like she thinks that people b/p to control their kids...or control their husband. What the heck? I don't connect the two together AT ALL. I can see that people who b/p do it to have control over their own lives but please...she really bothered me in saying this.

jahoha133
jahoha133's picture
hmm..

Hmm.. that IS weird... Does she have kids? Cause maybe she might to that to feel control over her kids or husband.. but if not, than that's weirder... Or maybe if you have kids, she might just be trying to figure out why you b/p... You know? What do you think?

*jax*

evee
evee's picture
friends

She does have kids. I think you're probably right about her with her own family. She's a wonderful person but as with all of us...kinda gets on my nerves sometimes, I'm sure I get on hers too:))

jahoha133
jahoha133's picture
yeah..

Well, yeah, maybe she tries to understand you too.. Do you have any kids? The friend that I have has kids and we can relate a lot because she feels pretty much the same way I do... And a lot of people who have eating disorders. Unhappy with self, low self-esteem, doesn't feel worthwhile, and so forth. I told her about my cutting problem that used to be really bad, and I guess she tried it once, but she says that she just can't because of her kids... They'd know you know? But I've seen scars on her legs, but when I asked her about them one time, she said she didn't know how she got them.. Lie? Or truth? Idk... It's complicated, you know?

But how are you doing?

*jax*

JOHNNYBOYLOVESL...
JOHNNYBOYLOVESLIFEASITIS's picture
Hi sad, confused and lonely,

Hi sad, confused and lonely, I find with most people not all , they tend to be self centered . So in a relationship, if you have a problem they are not understanding and walk away. It is sad , but I see it alot. I on the other hand believe in God and doing what is right . I think you should not leave your friend , talk to her honestly open your heart and she will see where you are coming from. I would like to talk more, thanks for listening to my reply , hugs, Johnnyboy

min
min's picture
I think the same as myvenus

I think the same as myvenus that u should hold on to her cause she seems to be a very good friend and it´s hard to get friends like this those days..
U can spend some times with her and her daughter and ur sister maybe her daughter will then not be so jalous anymore.

Ali Maree
Ali Maree's picture
I am 23, and have always made

I am 23, and have always made friends with people older than myself (including relationships) I don't have any mother/father issues (that I'm aware of!) I have always just connected with people older than myself.
Perhaps include the daughter, and maybe even your sister. I don't know if you two are close or not- I know my sister an I aren't- and this may be a way of getting to know her outside your home and as a person. You're not strange at all for having older friends- it just speaks about your levels of maturity!

:)

'We are each of us angels with one wing. And we can only fly while embracing each other.'
-Lucian de Croszonza

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