second week

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natascha's picture
second week

I had a very hard time the second week.The binge purge free wasmy downfalll after being too tired,
to exhausted and triggerd emotionally.
After 1 binge and purge my whole perception changed again into bulimic behavior and now I am on day 5
still in the struggle not to purge and binge.
I read the recovery book again and decided to follow structured eating, but am so afraid to eat too much or
toolittle and to gain weight and to stay constipated always.
I am back into enemas, because I cannot stand the stomach pain from totaal constipation after every meal.
I feel tired and worn out and ashamed for this fall back, because I cannot function than at all.
I have to prepare for work, but am not able to do so now.I am not able to work either.
It has such a great impact on me when I fallback.
Does anyone has any ideas for cronic constipation and how to balance out meals without toomuch fear?
I really dont know how much carbs,fat,protein to eat and what...
Is there maybe some free help atinternet?

Thank you for help,


natascha's picture
nobody seems to want to

nobody seems to want to answer please I am so alone.
Please can say anyone something tome?


sjksus's picture
How wonderful that you've

How wonderful that you've managed to stay b/p free for so many days in a row! A true accomplishment! Pat yourself on the back for that. And how awesome that you've already recognized the reason for slipping a little stated it was from being exhausted and emotionally triggered. That gives you so much to go off of in order to plan for the next time those things pop up and helps you to be able to create a future coping plan.
We've all had a fear of SE. Truthfully, you're right on point. Some days you will probably eat too much and some days you probably won't eat enough. SE is a give and a take. It's an essential step toward recovery and it's a process of learning, but it isn't clear and it isn't perfect. Keep up with it and you'll learn a ton about yourself and be able to manage better in the long run. As others here have said - progress over perfection.
The weight gain will only happen as it needs to. Our bodies generally DO need to gain weight in the beginning (even if it's just water) in order to fully repair all the damage we've done to them. Don't fear the weight gain for as long as you learn to eat normally then your body will be exactly the size it needs to be after you've recovered. Try your best to focus on being free from the bulimia trap.
The enemas are probably helping to keep your body in a binge/purge cycle. The reason for sticking with SE is to help reset your body. Do it consistently and your body will eventually function on its own. But please be patient. I'm not fully recovered, but I have managed eight full months of recovery and haven't had a b/p episode in months. I'm very proud of myself, but still to this day struggle with bloating, slow digestion, and constipation. All of my systems function better than they ever have, but they are still taking time to repair themselves. Recovery is more than just a couple weeks long. It's hard and it takes a lot of focus and effort, but it's very much worth the fight.
Make sure your diet has lots of healthy fats, which will help make things in your gut slippery. As for the portions - just try to watch other people eat normally and take your cues from them. Maybe working with a dietician would help to educate you? Every individual is different in caloric needs, so it's very hard to give advice through the computer in this way.
Good luck in your journey!!!

natascha's picture
thank you so much for this

thank you so much for this lovely comment!!!!


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