Self forgiveness

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Emmeline's picture
Self forgiveness

I feel like the key to truly getting rid of binge urges (in the long term) is, ironically, learning to forgive yourself after a binge. Whether it be a huge one or just that extra slice of toast you wished you hadn't had- once we can learn to forgive ourselves for just that tiny bit of indulgence, there is no longer a need to have any more.

It would also make this whole recovery process a lot easier for me and perhaps stop me feeling so low and depressive. After having a long tearful chat with my mum today (who doesn't know about the ED) I was simply bursting to tell her that the real problem wasn't the essay, but it was my inability to love and forgive myself enough to just get on with life!

Just not quite ready to tell her yet. The day I can tell my entire family will be a fantastic sense of relief I think.

"Une fois que tu as réalisés que tu peux faire ce que tu veux, tu es libre! Tu peux voler."

Angel333's picture
So get what you mean.

So get what you mean. Something so small and simple to the 'normal' world, like that extra piece of toast, or a slightly larger scoop of ice cream than we are happy with, can change our whole emotional selfs for the rest of the day/week with feelings of guilt and why's and if only's....don't beat yourself up too hard.
I hope you feel you can tell your family your story eventually, I personally, will never share this with my family but every single person story is unique and personal to the individual, and the fact you feel you need to tell someone means its right for you.
Good luck, telling someone is the most difficult step imaginable but its also one of the most important steps in recovery as you are telling the world that you have a problem but you are willing to fix it!
Love yourself first and then you can accept the love you deserve from others x

'We are each of us angels with only one wing, so we can only fly by embracing each other'

FreckledPonyFlying's picture
Hi Emmeline, Forgiving

Hi Emmeline,

Forgiving yourself is definitely a key when you are blaming yourself... but you know what - I've been recently learning that for me the goal may be to not to blame myself at all! I know it sounds a bit unrealistic and strange, but look: blaming ourselves, we put ourselves into a position, where we actually confirm that we have done something very wrong. And of course - the first and automatic feeling after a binge for majority of us is the thought that we've done sth wrong, a feeling of guilty etc.... but what if we skip this part? Not running away from it, but understanding what has just happened rather than sinking into a sea of undesirable feelings and fighting them? And understanding what has happened - we just need to acknowledge that our body is malnourished. We haven't done anything wrong. It is just a hunger. A hunger, which has been there for so long that we are not even able to distinguish it as an isolated sensation. For me, seeing things in this way shifts my attention from binging and purging into a structured eating. And structured eating is something within my control (which I do not really feel in relation to binge and purge urges which seem a bit scary due to my long history of not being able to cope with them).

Thank you so much for all your positive posts! I'e seen a few and they are a joy to read! I wish you to find the best solution to the family situation. You've had a tearful chat... you are not sad about the tears though, but about the fact that your mum had not been aware of the reason for them.. I think it's quite a blessing to experience these kind of feelings. Don't worry too much about it, you may just need a bit more time to tell your family, but it will come if this is what you need. My way to make my family aware was very, very long. When I was younger, I used to believe that telling them will magically help. Or that they will help. I now know that it was a wishful thinking in my case. Just because they do not know how to help. So I normally do not speak to them about it, but it is really helpful to know that if I want to talk - I can, and I do not need to pretend that everything is ok, when it is not (I still keep doing this quite often though, work in progress..)

Lots of warm thoughts x

Freckled Pony Flying

Coach Jen
Coach Jen's picture
You are so right about this!

You are so right about this! In coaching, I always stress the importance of getting right back to SE after a relapse. This is impossible to do if you are wasting time and energy on self-hatred, blame, shame and all those other negative feelings surrounding ED. 

Of course, it is easier said than done, so I hope you've found some good strategies to help you go easy on yourself. Its always helpful to take some time to rest and relax in recovery so that you can reflect on what you really need instead of trying to meet those needs with a binge.

Thanks for this post. Such a great reminder that beating ourselves up won't accomplish any goals!

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