Sibling Trouble

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Gemstone1992
Gemstone1992's picture
Sibling Trouble

Does anyone find their eating disorder is used against you in an argument with a brother or sister? I am 18 and my brother James is 14. I can understand he is at that "hormonal" age where nothing in life is right and he's stroppy etc... but I feel like he hates me and resents me because of my eating disorder. We will have a minor disagreement and he will use my bulimia as an insult. He says I have "destroyed the family" and "everything is your fault" He has becomes really aggressive if things don't quite go his way. I actually think my relationship with my brother is making my bulimia worse as anxiety is often a trigger to binge. We used to get along really well and now I hardly see him. He is awful to my parents and causes them to argue. I then get upset because of them falling out and again I binge with anxiety. My brother sometimes says he's going to broadcast me to the world as being bulimic and it really worries me.

Right this second he has just walked in and had a go at me! Typical... I am writing a post and he's horrible. I've always let it go as I've felt I deserve to feel awful about myself , but this just isn't helping my recovery.

Its such a shame

Gemma x

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”
Lao Tzu

Saz82
Saz82's picture
Hello young Gemma! That does

Hello young Gemma!
That does sound like quite harsh and unnecessary words from your brother... but you have to remember he is only a child, only 14. He doesn't understand what you are going through and how you can't just wave a big sparkly magic wand and be better in a click (don't we wish though!).
I’m sure you are not destroying the family, so don’t listen to that. Are your parents supportive? Do they know how your brother is taunting you, and how much it’s hurting you? Maybe they could have a word with him (although again, at his age, it probably won’t help! You might just have to rise above him)
I don't have the same problem as you so I can’t really help very well – I’ve not told ANYONE about my secret disgusting life (well, let’s be positive and call it an ex-life, I’m in recovery now, as are you hun). So, I do admire you for telling people, its just a shame they are perhaps not helping as much as you would like and need. It’s all to do with others simply not understanding.
I too hope he doesn’t tell people outside of those you have trusted with it – that would be truly horrible, I’m sure he wouldn’t though so try not to worry.
Be strong
x

If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian. ~Paul McCartney

Gemstone1992
Gemstone1992's picture
My parents are very

My parents are very supportive, my brother can sometimes be also when he is being nice.I think he might have a few anger issues and he just uses me as his punch bag ( not physically just with his words !) I told them about 3 years ago and it has had its ups and downs

Have you ever considered telling anyone? It was very hard , but felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me. There may be someone close to you that could offer extra support as an extra to lovely people on here.

Hope your recovery is going well,
Thanks for your support,
Love Gemma x

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”
Lao Tzu

brighteyesgrrl31
brighteyesgrrl31's picture
Gemma, oh my god yes sibling

Gemma, oh my god yes sibling trouble has been a triggering factor for me! For a while my siblings were young enough where they didn't really understand what was going on but I remember when my 17 year old was in her sophomore year in high school and just really blossomed and I stagnated. That was probably one of the worst years of recovery because she was the girl who everyone liked, who looked great and healthy, who was good at tennis, pretty good at school, and overall just really confident and she didn't have an eating disorder. I gained weight that year trying to recover but still binging and my self esteem was at an all time low. All I saw myself as was bulimia. That summer my binging and purging was out of control and I was wasting money like no one's business. I would see her and she had her life together and was younger than me and I felt like I was just wasting my life. If we got in a fight she wouldn't exactly throw me down because of bulimia but everything that resulted from bulimia. My parents used to lock up the food because after a few years my bulimia got really bad. Anyway my sisters resented me for this because its embarrassing. They felt like they could never have friends over and if they did I would do something to embarrass them. My parents typically didn't regard any complaint I would make about anyone because since I was bulimic I must not make sense. Well my sisters thought they could do this too. Honestly the only thing that really helped was going away to college because there was just too much anger and tension for me to deal with them at home. It is my second year of college and after another really bad summer, we are just starting to try to patch things up. So yes siblings and family can be triggering but recovery I believe has the power to heal the damage that has been done.

Tiffany

Gemstone1992
Gemstone1992's picture
I am sorry to hear about the

I am sorry to hear about the trouble you have had with your sisters,My brother has been a bit better with me the past few days, possibly because I've not seen him much!

Remember your siblings may have talents etc but you are unique and have your own special qualities. See your own beauty and talents... I am sure you can!

How is your college going? What are you studying?

Take Care,

Gemma xxx

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”
Lao Tzu

brighteyesgrrl31
brighteyesgrrl31's picture
Thanks for that! Things have

Thanks for that! Things have gotten better with us since I went to college and I am letting go of my anger towards them now because it is not their fault and I know if I get better we will have a stronger relationship because of it. I really do love college but my five week relapse had me hating it for that time but things are starting to get better again. I am a biology/english major and I guess technically pre-med but I think I am going to switch over to pre-physician assistant. Are you in high school or college?

Tiffany

Gemstone1992
Gemstone1992's picture
I am at college in England,

I am at college in England, UK :) I am currently studying a BTEC National Diploma in Animal Managememt and hope to study a Bachelor of Science in Zoology next September . I'm glad your getting along better and hope your course goes well for you xx

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”
Lao Tzu

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