slim vs. "bigger than you'd rather be"

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amelia's picture
slim vs. "bigger than you'd rather be"

One thing I have always struggled with is my "need" to be skinny. I started off at the tender ages of about 7 or 8 wishing I could just have Britney's legs. I didn't care for the idea of skeletal. Plus, I didn't read Vogue at the time, so I just figured the best figure was "slim".

Then after I'd become anorexic at 16, I decided that being anything but skin and bones was repulsive. Not on other people though. Just on me. But at that point I wasn't so much thinking about anyone but myself.

So I tried to get a bit better with my eating. To be honest, I did not want to gain weight. I was just going through the motions, and trying to eat so I could be less depressed, and actually stand a chance of being able to walk up the stairs to bed without getting out of breath.

Somehow I morphed into an unstoppable food precessing machine, and after a year or so of getting used to eating with the family, and more importantly, eating enough, I decided I had put on too much weight, and needed to lose it. Enter Bulimia. The Bully, as I "like" to call it.

I realise that I need very desperately to change my perception of my body, and I'm sure that there are many of us who do. But how the heck do you do that? All I've ever known is the desire to be thinner, tragic though that is. Not all of us have problems with eating purely and simply because of this reason, but body image plays a huge part in this disorder. I truly believe that it is the fault of fashion magazines and the fashion industry. I know that sounds overly simplistic, so please feel free to pick me up on it, but I was perusing some articles about "larger" models, and I realised that looking at their photos, as well as those of curvier celebrities like Beyonce and Lady Gaga, all I saw were beautiful confident women.

But how the hell do we get there?! Today I've seen bill boards and magazines covered with pics of slim or skinny girls, and I find that sooooo very appealing still, in spite of my admiration for women with larger figures (and by that, I do not mean "large". I simply mean "with more meat on them than a wishbone").

Well, here's a link to an article about how being a bit more padded is believed to be healthy. I hope it helps in any small way...

Love xxx






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