slip up

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workout
workout's picture
slip up

what do you do when you have a slip up are so motivated to get back on the train of 3months purge free and are hard enough on yourself about this and your partner is so critical and says right back where you started. i get it, he's seen slipups off and on and it deflates him, but it is so discouraging. why cant he see the 3months purge free the structured eating and all the effort ive put in and support it?

larissag
larissag's picture
What do you do? You don't let

What do you do? You don't let what your partner thinks effect what you know is true! He is obviously reacting out of fear, and he may not react in the best way, but he for sure loves you. He wants you well, and he doesn't understand. My husband has caught me numerous time before picking up, and yes, he assumed that I was in a dark place yet again and that whatever I was doing wasn't working. He too is a recovering addict, and he has been sober for 7 years. For him, it was alcohol so his recovery looks a lot different. He didn't pick up a drink once he started recovery and had no relapses. It is so easy for us to compare our recovery journeys, but he is starting to see how different it is. Since finding this site, after having NUMEROUS attempts at recovery through other ways, he was still hesitant. He said he didn't want to get "invested" again, or come along for the ride. I was kind of hurt by that, but it needed to happen. That codependency was looked at and we decided to take a step back from e/o's recovery. It was so hard! I used my husband for support and he was my biggest encouragement, so to no longer hear words from him about my recovery was so challenging. But slowly, he began to trust me again. I had to be honest w/ him though and I told him that in this recovery program, a relapse is not a bad thing. He was hesitant there, but when he saw the changes in me, he did begin to actually trust that I was where I needed to be. I was sitting with him today at a cafe and we were talking about this program. We don't do this often. He was telling me how it was really healthy for us to stop trying to be in e/o's circle of recovery and being able to learn to let go. That is truly when I started recovering. When I was doing it for me, and not trying to make me happy. Rob and I have been married for 3 1/2 years now, and it was hell some days. I am surprised that we are together still, but obviously there is something at work in our lives that is bigger than any disorder.

I think you need to just let your partners expectations of you go. Remind yourself that you are going through the recovery progress and that slip ups are perfectly normal. Just keep going. He will see that confident you continuing on. In the moment, it can seem so hopeless when they see us stumble, but that passes. They see us recovering again, blossoming and they can breathe again. Remember, his actions, his words, are based out of fear. It is a disorder that not only effects us, but hurts our loved ones. Sometimes even more. No, he doesn't need to understand, just you do. And that is "You are still a valuable, courageous soul no matter what is going on!"

This too shall pass. Let the heat of this slip up pass, and just keep on. You will make it. You obviously have come a super long way. Love ya!

to thine own self be true

workout
workout's picture
how are you doing in your

how are you doing in your recovery? i really appreciate your reply. hes really angry that if my kids ever saw this happen, they are 4 yolds. so i understand, its just that he doesnt see at all how hard of an issue this is or how much work i am doing now and how awesome ive done for the past 4 months. i guess he has no idea of how bad its been. i wont let his reaction derail me, thanks to your reply. do you have kids?

larissag
larissag's picture
I don't have kids actually.

I don't have kids actually. My husband is in his last year of law school, so we have decided we would wait for him to be done. We move around a lot due to his schooling, and our future is kind of up in the air as to where we will end up. But to be honest, I am not sure that I could have had kids anyways. My health was so bad and well, I def was not ready mentally. I see this clearer now as I get better. I love kids though! My sis has two little guys and they mean the world to me.I teach Sunday School at church to get my "kid" fix. I hope that Rob and I will start a family soon. They are def a joy in my heart.

Yes, that must be hard trying to be a good mom and not slipping up in front of your kids. For sure. I imagine that is a lot of pressure on you. Yet, you can so do this. No matter if you are upset, or angry, or frustrated with your partner, you deserve to look after yourself and treat yourself with love. You don't need to food to cope w/ the feelings. That will def get you know where.

I am doing good. I am amazed at where I am today to be honest. Still is a shock to me that I am doing this. That I haven't binged and purged in so long. I mean, I just went out for dinner at this famous restaurant in my city, with people I had never met. Rob's friends from law school. Guess what we ate? World famous burgers! This is now my second burger since I was 15. I enjoyed meeting the new couple, and we had such a good night! I ate slowly and just enjoyed the taste. I felt normal. I felt connected. Such a rewarding evening. Am I feeling guilty about eating a burger with all the fixings? A little yes, but I am on here right? I do know that my body will do with it what it needs to do and that it is a normal meal. It is not good, nor bad. It is food, and I am grateful that I ate it. Victory tastes sweet.

Well my friend, let me know how you get on. I hope that you can see that you don't have to prove it to anyone but TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE. You beat this for YOU first, and the rest follows. xo

to thine own self be true

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