Small Victories

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JoBlogs
JoBlogs's picture
Small Victories

I just wanted to do a more positive post to celebrate the small things that we find hard & that the 'ordinary' people out there would not recognise as being important.

Yesterday I had three

1. Not only did I have 3 alcohol free days behind me, I wanted a drink & managed 2 ordinary drinks (not pints of G&T...) & then STOPPED drinking & didn't binge on anything else.

2. I made time to give both of my daughters big hugs and a few minutes individual time before they went to bed - I find this hard, although I've mostly overcome OCD, if I'm having a tricky day I find it very hard to leave chores and give them time so I was pleased.

3. I ate food out when I was hungry - something very difficult, in spite of being almost 3 years into ED recovery, at snack times I find it virtually impossible to buy food if I am out. Yesterday I had taken an orange for afternoon snack & after I ate it I was still so hungry that I was struggling to see or have a conversation. With Lotah's help I fought against the 'ED voice' in my head & won, I shared a lovely fresh warm sesame seed Turkish bread, hummus & olives with my daughter - Lotah was a massive support during this process because I just couldn't face the choices alone - Thank you my darling :D

All good.

Thankfully B/P isn't on this list because..... I am almost 6 months purge free!!!!

What did you do today that you are really pleased with & yet most people would never understand that it was a big victory?

Jo
xxx

Maria_
Maria_'s picture
Great post Jo, well done! You

Great post Jo, well done!
You really got me thinking about the progress I've made..Today after I took another exam (which went well I think) I saw some people I hadn't talked to in a while. Instead of avoiding them, and pretending I don't see them, I walked up to them and started a conversation. Big deal for me! I'm very unsocial, so striking up a conversation with people is actually a big deal for me.

Bernutri
Bernutri's picture
WOW! 6 months is amazing !!!

WOW! 6 months is amazing !!! Inspirational.....today is 1 month for me and i am so proud.

Something i have done that is small for others but big for me.... Just not being negative is an achievement for me....
Thanx for making me just stop and think about something good about myself :)

Bernie

Bernie

Lotah
Lotah's picture
So proud of you, precious

So proud of you, precious JoJo. xxx

JoBlogs
JoBlogs's picture
Thank you for sharing your

Thank you for sharing your victories.

Maria, huge huge well done on talking to those friends :D you've ,ade me really smile for you. We need to read hope from every small victory and take heart. I totally understand how easy it would have been to drop your gaze and walk past or pretend your txtg as you walk & not notice them etc. Brilliant :D

Bernie, not being negative is immensely hard and takes so much effort. Other people haven't really got a hope of recognising this because most of it is silent & private torture inside our heads. Im so glad to hear you are making progress here, it will keep getting easier :D

Lotah, You are amazing, strong, and an inspiration to me. I cant tell you how glad I am to have you and how grateful I am for your continual advice and support. I love you xxx

Today has been a busy day and Friday is a night I almost always get drunk, secretly drinking behind my husbands back whilst openly drinking in moderation.

I thought I wouldn't be able to help myself but drink too much tonight. I didnt, I had 3 drinks over 3 hours. None of them GIANT portions. Very pleased if a little confused :)

Jo
xxx

Jaded Lime
Jaded Lime's picture
I love this!! You are all so

I love this!! You are all so inspiring!

Here's mine... I am 8days purge free, still
Working on those occasional binges

I notice a clear difference in my mental clarity.

I slept allllll the way through the night with out waking up until morning for the first time in years for the past THREE NIGHTS IN A ROW!!!

I feel so much better emotionally. I am so much happier and more focused on life instead of food or where the nearest bathroom is. :-)

The swelling and pain in the back of my neck is gone!!!

This morning at the gym my run was amazing. I had so much more energy and I felt strong!

After my run I noticed a clear difference in my flexibility as I stretched out my muscles on the mats. I think this has to do with hydration I've been drinking water water water... :)

I am more positive, kind, loving, and I accept myself more than I have in years!

Today I was reading a blog about a friends daughter who has cancer and it made me cry. This may be strange sounding but I have been so numb of feelings for so long and I can recognize it but I haven't been able to change it. It felt so good to empathize, sympathize and cry for this little girl. It's literally like I am reconnecting with myself.

Love alone is worth the fight. - Jon Foreman

gecko11
gecko11's picture
It is possible to eat one

It is possible to eat one square of chocolate. My daughter offered me a peice and I ate it. That was that. I haven't been back to the fridge to steal some of more of the block. I just enjoyed the peice and moved on. In the past no 'forbidden food" was safe. Ever. A small sign of my changing mindset.

Dance like there's nobody watching
Love like you'll never get hurt
Sing like there's nobody listening
Live likes it's heaven on earth

skenn100
skenn100's picture
Congrats on all your

Congrats on all your victories!!! :) you motivate me! Today is my first purge free day - :) woot woot. Can you imagine telling someone else that? 'I'm excited that I didn't throw up today!' Lol that's why I'm so thankful I've found this support community. Thank you for the encouragement & reminder to celebrate the little things.

God Bless,
Shelby K

JoBlogs
JoBlogs's picture
Hey Guys, I am loving reading

Hey Guys,
I am loving reading about your triumphs :D Its recognising and appreciating them that helps us build our confidence and gain momentum in recovery :D

Shelby, you have done an amazing thing today! Congratulations! I remember beginning ED Therapy and being unable to string 2 purge free days together for so long, or so it seemed, yet it was only a few weeks really when I realised Id managed two whole weeks! I didnt dare tell anyone, I felt I would jinx myself or that Id disappoint them if I screwed up. I did screw up and for months I rarely managed more than 10 days between bp episodes. To me though, that was great, Id managed to go from bp twice on a very good day or up to 9 times on my worst days to once every 10 days ish. I didnt believe I could every conquer it. Yet here I am, Friday is the 3rd anniversary of finding this place and is also, by pure coincidence, six months since I purged. You can do it too hun, you can :)

Gecko, what a wonderful experience, being able to share a treat and enjoy your daughter generously sharing her treat with you and to be able to appreciate it just as it was intended. Wonderful, I hope there are many such moments ahead of you :)

Today I felt a little ill so poured a glass of wine back into the bottle! And yesterday I had one small glass with no intention of having more or drinking in secret, I just enjoyed it.

I also managed 2 whole days without self harming. Again something most people wouldn't be able to understand (like the not vomiting for a day) but something I was pleased with.

Keep posting, I am loving reading about everyone's positive experiences :D

Jo
xxx

JoBlogs
JoBlogs's picture
Jaded Lime, I somehow missed

Jaded Lime, I somehow missed commenting on your post, 8 days is just fantastic - huge giant well done! I am so glad you can appreciate the benefits with you health physically and with your emotional well being. Crying is huge, some people seem able to let their emotions out more easily than others. Those of us who struggle have to learn firstly that we can allow ourselves to cry, and then that we will be ok if we do, and then we have to practice and actually cry. One day you might even be able to cry and grieve for all that you have lost to bulimia and how sad this is.
It's hard, but you have made some great strides in your recovery journey already - congratulations :D xxx

Jo
xxx

whole-ellen
whole-ellen's picture
l love this!

l love this!

Congratulations to you all - these are tremendous achievements. Imagine if we could have a life in which we can do ALL of those things in a single day without a second thought!

This is my 3rd day of BHM, and it was a struggle. I didn't sleep much last night, and I am VERY HAPPY to say that I didn't let my stressed, fatigued, existential thoughts push me into a night of bulimia. YE-AH!

And I called my boyfriend instead of hiding in my hole :-)

Keep posting to this thread!

Ellen

Jaded Lime
Jaded Lime's picture
This is the best thread! I

This is the best thread! I love to read these. I hope everyone keeps posting no matter how small or big the victories are!
I'm planning on *bumping* this thread up every once in awhile. :)

I'm at 13 days now completely purge free...... And I'm still going!!

I binge at least once a day still, BUT, I do notice a difference in the duration and intensity of those binges. I feel AWFUL after I binge! I used to get the relief of being stuffed through purging and now I'm missing that I literally feel sick when I eat too much! Not so much mentally because I've really grasped how to forgive myself right away for it, but physically. Ugh!! I see that it's helping me hate to binge though. Purging kept perpetuating the vicious cycle. I'm still working on the binging thing. I've notice that I'm getting better at recognizing those bingey feelings. I'm improving on stopping myself too. Ive definitely gained some weight. But I'm really proud of myself because I've decided my recovery is more important and that I just don't care. I believe in time as I really get in tune with my body's natural hunger cues, wants and needs then I will naturally be a healthy weight that's right for me.

Love alone is worth the fight. - Jon Foreman

megs5
megs5's picture
Hi Everyone! I know I am

Hi Everyone! I know I am late on this thread, but I am new to this site and when I found this thread I felt extremely hopeful! I am in my first week of recovery. I had be B/P free for almost 1 year and then fell back into old ways about 1 month ago. I found the Bulimia Help Method just the beginning of this week and find some of the points very interesting and helpful!

One accomplishment I made last night was I had a binge urge so instead of just going right into it I said to myself that I would listen to the Mind Power Audio that I had received in my inbox yesterday morning. So I laid down and listened to it, honestly not having must optimism about it because I have never been one to be able to sit still, meditate etc. So when I was decided to sit down and listen to the audio it completely surprised me when it actually really made me feel relaxed. The most amazing thing was when it was finished that urge to binge had passed!!!!

I felt very proud of that because it would have been very easy to just go in for the binge, instead I made a conscious decision to say NO. This morning I started my day with the mind power audio and already feel great that I have started my day in this relaxed state. I know I have a long way to go and that this will always be a battle. but I am grateful that I have found these audio tools I think they will really help me in my recovery.

It is so great to hear everyone's accomplishments. As I said I am totally new to this- not recovery but to this online forum and would appreciate any advice/suggestions you all have found helpful!

Meghan

megs5

whole-ellen
whole-ellen's picture
Victories! Yeah,

Victories! Yeah, guys!!

Today, I was upset and stressed about seeing my boyfriend. I had so many other "me" things to attend to, along with work-related tasks.

He came over, we went out for tacos, snuggled, watched a movie, and now I feel SO HAPPY.

No bulimia today, the first Saturday without in weeks! YEAH!!!!!!!!!

Love to all,
Ellen

Jaded Lime
Jaded Lime's picture
Finally! A day of zero

Finally! A day of zero bingeing!!! I've been purge free for 16 days straight! But today for the first time, I was also binge free!! Only two of my binges were big ones where I was stuffed, but I count the little ones too where I feel out of control as I grab a handful of un needed crackers, or take a few more bites of the dinner left overs before I pack them into the fridge. :) I'm so excited!!! I never thought I'd be able to go this long with purging. :)))

Love alone is worth the fight. - Jon Foreman

whole-ellen
whole-ellen's picture
Hey, JL! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Hey, JL!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Well done!!!! Very, very well done!

Ellen

JoBlogs
JoBlogs's picture
Ellen & Meghan - Huge well

Ellen & Meghan - Huge well done on using alternative coping strategies :) This is something I still really struggle with & I think the main reason for that is I don't take the time to think of an alternative. To do it when exhausted is huge! Calling your bf/anyone or listening to the audio is BRILLIANT.

Jaded Lime - Amazing, Great work! Sounds to me like mostly you are having subjective binges - small slips that feel bad because you hadn't planned them. As time goes by they will become insignificant! Can you imagine? Keep going, you will get there :) To be purge free for 16 days is amazing too, I didnt manage that until I was about 2 years in!

I managed to not drink yesterday! Very unusual for me on a Saturday & I didn't cut! I know its partly because Id made myself feel so ill by drinking & binging on Friday night but I still almost slipped, starting with a large gin, then stopping... Like I said before, even small victories are worth recognising :)

Lots of love & strength to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jo
xxx

Jaded Lime
Jaded Lime's picture
Thank you Jo! Youre so sweet

Thank you Jo! Youre so sweet for always encouraging me. :)

Today my small victory is: after my morning workout and being 18 days purge free, I noticed that on the stretch out mats at my gym I was much more flexible. It was crazy! I had never even thought of this as a symptom of my bulimia but now that I think of it I think that I was probably pretty dehydrated so I think my muscles didnt want to stretch out as well. now that I have proper fluids back in me I think Im much more flexible like I used to be long ago. :)

Love alone is worth the fight. - Jon Foreman

Optimistic01
Optimistic01's picture
Wow :-) So much positive

Wow :-) So much positive momentum is truly contagious! I'm going to hop on the late bandwagon after having a hectic week, but hey, maybe we can kick off another week of small victories!

I went all week without a lapse - I'd been refusing to count the recovery days out of fear that it would trigger me, but I've felt a shift in my mindset, so I felt like I was ready for it. I put my faith in every upset tummy I got that if I just stayed calm and drank enough water, everything would be fine the next day and lo..... it was! Lol. I also navigated a week of exhaustion that culminated in sleeping for 13 hours last night and don't have any guilt over bad decisions this week (which I think I'm in denial about, it's so awesome, but it'll sink in).

I've got to give a shout out to the awesome people that have gone out of their way to connect on this site.. Maybe deep down awesomeness is an unknown prerequisite for e.d.s, that somehow everybody managed to have in common?

I'm kidding, but I guess I'm in good enough spirits after reading how great everybody is doing, I just can't help trying to crack a joke at the expense of mia.. just sayin.

N.

JAMIE.D
JAMIE.D's picture
I wanted to post something

I wanted to post something positive today. I was able to make it through yesterday b/p free and today, so far so good. I have cut back on exercise and I suddenly had energy this afternoon and found myself dancing and singing in the kitchen with my three beautiful daughters! THIS is why I will recover!!!!!

whole-ellen
whole-ellen's picture
Hello! Optimistic, I totally

Hello!

Optimistic, I totally understand the not wanting to count the days piece. Absolutely know what you mean with that, in my own way. That, with feeling overly full tonight, nearly knocked me into the habit of purging. But NOT today! Yay, me! Yay, you! Yay Jamie D!

Much love.

Ellen

PS To keep myself out of trouble, I'm going to bed. Yes siree. It's only 7:46 pm here, but I've got to protect myself from.... the compulsive bp monster!

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