I refuse to believe that the rest of my life will be like this. I'm 25, and since I was 16 have struggled with food and eating, namely binging and purging. But my way of purging is probably different to most other people's. I should also mention that I'm a Type 1 diabetic, which means that I'm dependant on regular insulin injections to live. I discovered during my teen years that if I stopped taking my insulin I could eat whatever I wanted, without gaining any weight.. In fact, I could eat and eat and eat, and I'd actually lose weight. It sounds like every bulimic's dream, being able to give in to the constant hunger and cravings without having to worry about your weight. Except what I didn't realise at the first, was the damage I was doing to my body. Doctors warned me that I was risking heart damage, nerver damage, liver damage, blindness, kidney failure and arm/leg amputations, but still I carried on. Despite such serious implications, I carried on doing what I'd been doing - I was playing with fire, and I knew it, but the evil Bulimia had a hold on me....and it still has. I don't want to let it make me ruin my life - I want to be rid of it before something bad happens to me, something that cannot be undone. I managed to have a year binge/purge free atfter trying Hypnotherapy, and I thought I'd beaten it; my insatiable appetite had gone, and all my cravings. In fact for a while I lost my appetite altogether, and could barely manage to eat anything - but I loved it! However somehow, slowly but surely the bulimia has crept back, and once again it is dominating my life. I think I know the reason why it came back; after I'd finished uni. I went to live and work in Spain for a year, and I think that the sudden lifestyle upheaval was what triggered the relapse, but I've been back for just over a year now and am desperate to beat it again.
I'm sick of living like this, but don't know how to find the willpower to break out of it.
Hope to hear from people,