telling someone you love about bulimia

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pixie27
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telling someone you love about bulimia

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pixie

RecoveR
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Hi pixie27! I can relate what

Hi pixie27!
I can relate what you r saying. When most if my friends knew about my bulimia, except who is supposed to be the most important person in the world, my boyfriend, i really felt that I was hiding something from him. I was feeling really sad, miserable, unloyal in some way... How could it be possible that he didn't know?? Not even suspected.
I must say that our relationship is a little bit complicated cause we live in different cities, like 550km away from each other, but we have managed to build a strong union for 4 yrs and half.
So, why, how i did it? What was the result?
I finally decided to tell him cause it was just unfair that he didn't know something so much crutial, important part of me, of my life. Maybe if other people didn't know, i wouldn't have told him (this happened for all this time being with him, until my "secret" was discovered by some friends, who realized "strange behaviours" in me...).
When I told him, i hadn't found the guidebook of "tellin someone you have bulimia" so, in this way, you can have more advantage. I actually didn't know how to tell him, but the necessity to tell him was soo strong at that moment that I had to confess. Maybe you have to wait until you feel CONFIDENT to tell him. I was extremely afraid of his reaction, if he would understand or leave me... I was broken inside because I was thinking of all that time together, if I was lying to him... I just FELT that I must talk about this, what had to happen would happen, be mentally prepared of all possible reactions. And the sooner he knew, no longer I would extend this suffering.
The way I told him was a little bit of disaster cause as I NEEDED to tell him and he was far away, I had to give him the news by telephone! Yes, it is a little bit of suicide, like if breaking w/ him by phone, but for me it was the moment (although not the place...) i was DECIDED to take the step forward. You can surely improve this part... ;-)
I want to be sincere with you, it was extremely difficult, I broke into tears and couldn't stop, before even telling him anything!. At last i confessed. At that moment I felt as if I had got rid of an enormous load! But at the same time frightened for what it would happen in the next minutes... He was shocked, didn't know what to do or say... Sometimes I imagime the reaction I would have had if it was the opposite way, that might help understanding the other person reaction if you know how the other person is.
Fortunately, he accepted the situation, said he would be next to me, he didn't want to leave me alone, that he loved me... I was so heart touched... Sure it wasn't easy for him either.
And now, what is the situation? Well, it has been 4 months since this confession and we are still toghether =) The truth is that when met the week after or so, I told him what happened to me all this years with bulimia. He wanted to know, was interested in me and my ED. But afterwards, it has turned out like a taboo topic you know? It's like if he would wait for me to start the conversation, thing that i haven't done since then. I haven't told him about my relapses either, I wasn't confident as i was at the moment of my confession, not feeling the necessity to tell him either. That is also because of my personality, i must say. I'm not used to talk about myself, and i guess he doesn't want to push over the topic all the time, waiting for me to talk first.
Now that I am improving in my recovery process, I'll wait again for the right moment to tell him. Although we haven't strictly talk about this recently, he told me then that I could count on him whenever i wanted.
So, that's a brief summary of what happened to me. Hope it can help! XX

lindsay6
lindsay6's picture
I have told people and many

I have told people and many are sympathetic but really unable to offer a lot of support because it is difficult to understand. There are certain things my husband does help me with . For example if we are out and someone serves me too much food and I ask him if he wants it he will always eat it or share or whatever he can do so I don't feel like i need to eat too much. He also is very supportive of me eating every 3 hours. So he is helpful in practical ways but he is limited otherwise because I don't think ED make any sense to anyone but us. I get the most support from here.

When you are going through hell, keep going.

pixie27
pixie27's picture
yeah...I see what you mean..i

yeah...I see what you mean..i think it is impossible to fully understand the ED if you never had it...
to be honest im not sure how my husband could support me diffrently from what he is doing it right now...im not sure what i would ask him to do it?
the thing is i told many people in the past (friends and family) and to be honest i wish i never did..it did not help me at all..and in fact it was sometimes used against me..because people would not understand it!! the only person who is capable to understand it is my best friend...and she is a clinical psychologist..maybe thats way..
so at the moment im just not feeling like doing it...and im not sure if is a good or bad thing?

pixie

lindsay6
lindsay6's picture
When you disclose this to

When you disclose this to someone I think if it goes well you feel a little closer to them. The other thing I think it does is take away some of the feelings we have about how horrible we are for doing this. I think sometimes when you have a secret it can be a burden also.
That said I think you need to choose carefully who you tell for all the reasons you mentioned. If they are not capable of understand and supporting then there is no benefit to you. I have told some people but not everyone. I guess I think it is not anyone's business and I don't want to have to explain too much to people. I told my husband I am glad I did. I want him to know who I am and accept me as is. There is a quote from Marilyn Monroe which sums up how I feel about it I suppose "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"

When you are going through hell, keep going.

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