Telling Your Husband

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Laura_27
Laura_27's picture
Telling Your Husband

I'm new to the site and today's my first day of structured eating! I read that there would be bloating but now that I am experiencing it, I had no idea. It feels like I have eaten a bunch of rocks. And unfortunately I have gas too  I have been bulimic for about 12 years now. I started back in high school. I went to weight watchers when I weighed 196 pounds, I lost 25 pounds but when the weight started to come back on, I started purging to lose weight. At my lowest I weighed 106 pounds  I throw up almost after every meal and have been hiding this secret from my husband for 5 years. I’m sure he suspects something but has never directly comforted me. I am still afraid to tell him. For those of you on this site that are married how did you tell your husbands?

Syl3
Syl3's picture
I have had to tell 2 husbands

I have had to tell 2 husbands as my first marraige did not last! In some ways I know it was because of the bulima. My first husband found out when he came home and knew I was hiding something from him. He was home early and I was in the middle of a binge. He thought I was cheating on him as that is what he was doing! He frantically looked around for the "other man" until I explained to him and showed him the food wrappers. He was not disgusted, but rather understanding. He tried to help, but unfortunately I would not let him know the extent of my problem and kept hiding.

I told my second husband before we married and he was quite understanding as well, but did not know the extent and I was able to hide it quite easily. I just had a baby 2 months ago and last week had major issues binging and purging! I am breast feeding and this scared me very much as I need to provide for and care for my baby. So I decided to tell him right away. I told him over the phone and he was very sweet and helpful. But, when he came home, he was mad at me and it was very difficult to explain. I told him I would get help on my own. Luckily, I found this sight which has been helping tremendously.

I plan to let my husband read some of the material on this sight to get more understanding.He is a sweet man, but how do you really explain to someone this disease? It sounds insane to a normal eater! One thing my husband said was he loves food so much that once he ate it there is no way he would throw it up! He's not fat nor too thin. The other day, he did show more understanding as he called me out when I was restricting at dinner. He told me I deserved food for working so hard for our baby and reminded me that our baby is counting on me to take care of myself.

Bottom line after such a long story is that it may very well be extremely difficult to tell someone that cannot possibly understand. It would be the same to me if someone said they had Trichotillomania and could not stop. However, we are armed with the information from this sight and the logical explanations and scientific research it the book. We dont even have to try to explain, but provide these excerpts that make perfect sense. With these tools and a little time, your husband is bound to understand and be supportive.

I would love to know how this goes for you! Also, truth and the fact that you will no longer have to hide from your husband should ultimately strengthen your relationship. It is working that way for mine already! :)

Syl3

Laura_27
Laura_27's picture
Thank you. I am glad that

Thank you. I am glad that your husband is being supportive once he got over the initial mad feeling. I think it is great that now with a young child that you are now taking the steps to not only be healthy for yourself but to be healthy for your child. My husband and I both want to have kids and my worst free is still being bulimic while we try to start a family.

It’s going to take a lot of courage and right now I am scared and uncertain how he will react. I saw one of the guides on this site but have not read it. I am hoping that can give me the guidance and possibly a little more strength. Once I can work up the courage to tell him, I will share my story. I know others could hopefully benefit from it. I’m just really hesitant to tell him at this point since he is currently deployed and as much as it stresses me I know it wouldn’t be good for him.

sintensityfox
sintensityfox's picture
Ok...started writing and

Ok...started writing and realized it would be long. So I blogged!

Lotah
Lotah's picture
My husband knew that I

My husband knew that I suffered from eating disorders in the past (before I met him). A few weeks (months?) after I found this programme, I told my husband that it was still a big issue and I asked him to read the e-book from this site "Somebody tell you they have bulimia". But he refused to. He doesn't want to know. So there is nothing more I can do about it. His choice not to support me through recovery. However, many husbands on this site have been very supportive to their wives. And I think the e-book I mentioned above is very helpful - it describes what we go through in a way that others who aren't trapped in this nightmare can understand.
Good luck, my lovely. xxx

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