Toxic friendships/relationships

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lifeasabird
lifeasabird's picture
Toxic friendships/relationships

Hi guys,
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with a toxic friend? I've been in the friendship for a long time and I'm finding its just not healthy for me and really impacts on my recovery. Does anyone have any similar stories or advice?

Catherine Liberty
Catherine Liberty's picture
This is a really great

This is a really great topic!

I think the way you describe these relationships as "toxic" is perfect too, I really know what you mean.

I used to have a lot of toxic friends, I've slowly removed them all from my life and it's really the best thing I've ever done.

Of course there has to be limits, no one is perfect, everyone has qualities we see as good and bad and we should never expect our friends to be everything that "we" want then to be - but there are some friendships that really are destructive.

In recovery as you build up self esteem I think you start feeling more empowered to do the things that make you happy and to break the bonds that bring you down. Sometimes you can choose to communicate with friends, to talk about how their actions have a negative imapct on your life/health/recovery and see if you can work those things out together, but if not you have learn to put yourself first in some cases I think.

It;s okay to do that too, I don;t think it's always a strictly selfish thing. I read a quote somewhere once which simply said "surround yourself with wonderful people" - or something to that effect. And it;s right, it's something i live my life by now.

It's never easy saying goodbye to a friend but if you know in your heart it;s the right thing to do then you just need to think about how you'll go about it. If you don't want to "have it out" in a heated debate then simply just distance yourself as much as possible. i think that's the approach I took.

Catherine x

jessica87
jessica87's picture
I've definitely had toxic

I've definitely had toxic friendships. I just had to end them... those "friends" kept dragging me down with them and it wasn't healthy.

My advice would be to slowly lessen the amount of time you spend with them and how often you connect with them. This might be increasing a delay to responding from texts/e-mails/calls and/or finding an excuse to avoid meeting up with them. From my experience, trying to talk to them about it makes things much worse... it ends the friendship but in such an awful way....

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