Troubled relationship with mom

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duessin2
duessin2's picture
Troubled relationship with mom

Hey guys!

So my mom and I have never had the best relationship, I've always been a daddy's girl and my mom has always catered more to my older brother. However, this not so great relationship with my mom is really taking a toll on everyone in my family. You see, my mom has been one of my biggest triggers through my eating disorder...she really doesn't eat much during the day and she exercises like crazy which makes it really easy for me to want to restrict or over exercise even though I know that's what got my in trouble to begin with. But this time with recovery...been our weeks now!..I've really tried not to let her issues or controllingness get to me. The hardest thing is she hasn't been the most supportive which is where the fighting comes in. She.is horrible about buying or making trigger foods even when I've told her, she constantly questions what I eat/ when I eat and makes remarks aboutme not working out (or not working out as much as I use to), she completely favors my brother which makes me extremely jealous and hurts a lot because of how apparent she makes it that she obviously likes him more. With this said, luckily I have had my dad to lean on but this makes my mom super upset because my attitude is so nice to my dad but so bad to her. This has also lead to my parents fighting which makes me feel horrible too.

Therefore, I guess im just at a loss of what to do. I want o have a better relationship with her but can't get over my anger and hurt I have. I feel like she doesnt want me to get better because she thrives on other people having problems. Howver, I feel I need to be the bigger person and start being nicer and then maybe she won't favor my brother as much and maybe I can move forward but don't know who's to start or anything.

That was kind of a synapsis..there are a lot of things that have caused arguments between my mom and I (mainly either about my Ed or my brother) but I thought I'd leave that out since its already long but I'm happy o share more if it would help me get advice on what to do

Anyone have ny ideas or thoughts...

Thanks!

Amanda

"one million starts ith one"

aniebee
aniebee's picture
I'm really sad no one

I'm really sad no one responded in a timely manner to your post :(

I think it's a complex situation - the whole family dynamics. I can really relate -
I'm out of the house & married with children now, but growing up my mom was my biggest
trigger for other reasons.

I really hope that you were able to find some type of resolution for yourself. Like hold yourself accountable to the person YOU want to be regardless of your family.

If you still need someone to chat with please shoot me a message!

:) Ann

Jay_Ez
Jay_Ez's picture
Hey :) I've had a lot of

Hey :)
I've had a lot of problems with my mum while in puberty so I have an idea where you're coming from.
My biggest problem was that she never actually told me she loved me, although I deep down knew she did, she just had trouble saying it. Our relationship was a minefield, we were constantly arguing. For the 17th birthday of a friend, I was spending the night at her place. I promised my Mum to call her when to pick me up at around 8.30 am.
Well, we spent the night drinking (until 7 am) until I fell asleep and of course didn't call. My Mum was furious, I had never seen her like this. We argued really really badly that morning because she had been so worried (she's a worrier even when there's no risk at all) and at the peak of everything she told me she loved me. I was so glad we were hugging then so that she couldn't witness my teary break.down....

What I'm trying to say is: With certain types of Mums (and yours sounds like a variation on mine with other priorities) it needs confrontation. Sit her down, tell her how you feel she's being unsupportive and tell her what you wish she'd do or rather not do. For example, as a first step, not call you out on eating something or not excercising.
Yeah, sounds scary to me, too, I hate such confrontations. But I guess you need a new approach and simply shout if she doesn't hear you at normal volume any more (the volume thing is meant to be a metaphor but I'm sure there will be shouting^^)

I hope I could help!

Jay_Ez
Jay_Ez's picture
PS: Don't do what my sister

PS: Don't do what my sister did - she was a compulsive overeater and had the pounds to prove it. Throughout her teenage years she was miserable, negative emotions led to her eating even more, etc. Living at home, the meals my Mum cooked (really fat and mostly unhealthy) were really big triggers for her. After graduation, she left home for a rehab clinic.
She got better but identified home as the cause of all her problems so she never returned and broke off the contact with her parents and relatives (except for her two sisters). She's still not happy and still in therapy, over 15 years later.
Just wanted to share that to show that drastic measures like cutting triggers like family may not be the solution after all.

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